imprints in life

happy 21st to myself! =)

2009-07-10T23:28:00.002+08:00

firstly....HAPPY 21st to myself! lol..kk.lame....=p
been soo long since i last updated here...well.loads happened...i'm kinda lazy to update the stuff...hah.will post pics sometime later ba.

well...turning 21 happened all too quickly and it's going to be over in the next 30 mins which is the time i have to finish this post.....held mixed feelings the whole of today.reflected on my life during the brief moments when i'm alone today.all sorts of memories flooded back......thgs i enjoyed.thgs i regret.thgs i cry over.thgs i cheer for...etc.etc....how one experiences life is solely based on our own decisions alone! ....reaching adulthood...i begin to be clearer and clearer abt wad i want my life to become...my dreams, aspirations, hopes, the simple thgs in life tt r impt and precious to me.i wan to be able to kp them forever..and those wishes..i wan to be able to achieve them..but before i move forward...i wana say thks to everyone! for playing an impt part of my life.....(can't mention everyone..but if u're reading this.the chance of u being one of them is like 99% cos i dun spread the address...lol=p) ....esp to those who spent today wif me..let's stay as close as always alrights? right into our tai tai days when we age with grace and beauty! lol....thks for the enjoyable day!
sighsss....but for some part of the day....some thoughts kept bothering me.tried to push them away til a later date but they're always there to stay.....zzz.
my 21st wishes.....as long and as many as they are.....i wish sincerely tt they'll all come true..

blur sotong!!!

2009-06-02T22:10:00.003+08:00

arghhss..i was a typical example of an ignorant blur sotong today!!! went to collect my residence permit without bringing my passport!! had to go back home and go back and get it....wasn't feeling very well and yet i wanted it to get it over and done with...plus! the weather is sooo hot today..and walking to United Square was like a stretch without shelter laa....sighssss...oh wells.there's some gains to the trip.i met my cousin on the way back home to take my passport.

and so....i spent the day rotting at the national library@bugis...researching on my supposed euro trip.well, at least i did something i have been wanting to do except tt i had hoped it was to read some nice thriller etc. and not research....haa! nxt up! read nice novel in coffee bean/gloria jeans alone.okies..i sound like a loner=X but oh wells...feeling lonely these days.but it's ok lah...i sometimes jus like to slack alone=p think it's nt too bad as imagined actually...but yay!!! had zp to accompany for dinner=) thanks gal!

expectations...disappointments..

and.....David Cook! i like his voice! yay!

one of his songs....

Lie lyrics

You whispered that you were getting tired,
Got a look in your eye,
Looks a lot like goodbye.
Hold on to your secrets tonight.
Don't want to know I'm ok with this silence
It's truth that I don't want to hear

You're hiding regret in your smile
There's a storm in your eyes I've seen coming for awhile
Hold on to the past tense tonight
Don't say a word,
I'm ok with the quiet.
The truth is gonna change everything.

So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart,
Look me in the eye,
Lie, lie, lie.

Lie, lie, lie.

I know that there's no turning back.
If we put too much light on this we'll see through all the cracks.
Let's stay in the dark one more night.
Don't want to know I'm ok with the silence.
It's truth that I don't want to hear.

So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
So look me in the eye,
And lie, lie, lie.

Don't want to believe in this ending
Let the cameras roll on,
Keep pretending
Tomorrow's all wrong if you walk away
Just stay

So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
Look me in the eye,
And lie, lie, lie.

So lie to me and tell me that we're gonna be ok
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the day
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
Look me in the eye,
And lie, lie, lie.

2009-06-01T02:13:00.001+08:00

still the same....still the same..arghhss....

2009-05-29T00:55:00.002+08:00

shall start from where i left off regarding the run!....so here's how it went.we met up at Eunos and lh drove us to ecp! as time was running out and we couldn't find a parking lot still, jane and i went to find a toilet to change into the singlet....after which, we called the rest and arranged to meet up at a particular location....and we waited....and waited and waited..calling was useless cos no one brought their phones with them..arghhhss.in the end, we left in search of the registration counter to find out whether they had started the race already but there was no such registration!! and so we decided to walk back to the meeting point.yet, we carn find them still.and so we decided to run back to the finishing line..and that's when we finally saw them and met up! omg...so i only ran like 1+ km =p....kinda disappointed! i was thinking we could all have fun and run tgt! it would have been soooo nice! the first time the gals had an outing by ourselves! sighssss....but nvm.the day ended off nicely for me.though it was kinda out of my character.

mon...met up wif sy for lunch! super long nv had lunch wif her le..went MOF since she had wanted to eat there last wk but i wasn't free..as usual.she dressed up so nicely and i felt so cui beside her=X had 30% off the bill cos we're students....and so we wondered how long we can enjoy such offers before we have to surrender our matric cards! lol=p after tt,went bras basah to find a frame for my cross-stitch while she bought her tuner.reminded me of the days when we used to go there after our co practices to buy strings.....the same auntie is still there to serve us!

tues...met up wif simon,kevin and viknesh@ps to discuss our euro trip! it was a nice discussion! all of us anticipated on going to many places since none of us had actually stepped foot in europe before.it was exciting just discussing our options and what we can expect to tour.....eventually, having settled on the 4 cities, we started planning the route and all...but what's really bothering now is the ever increasing expenses!!! after giving it some serious thought, i'm beginning to wonder whether i should even spend this amt of $...is it really worth it for the experience?? or mayb i shld just forgo the whole idea! and stay in sg....well.there's always the up side of staying home..i get to meet prof poh!whom all the seniors say is the best prob in bie! ooooh....

wed...we went to the spca! haha! sooo cool lah! but i oso realised i'm afraid of big dogs....while we were there, there's this pair of golden retrievers waiting to be adopted and the family who's applied to adopt them came but somehow, only one of them was adopted....sighs..u can't be ignorant of the look in the other one's eyes even though we don't know dog language..but such immense sadness.it made all of us soo emo.there was silence in all the kennels as if all of them understood his pain.Awwww....i hope some kind soul adopts 'ajax' soons....(tt's the dog tt's left behind...think his partner is called 'alfie' or the other way round).

thurs...supposedly there's lab today after having postponed it from wed...but i awoke to a sms in my phone saying tt my supervisor have some urgent matters to attend to and it's postponed to friday which is tml! oh!! msged ss to tell her the good news and ask abt the slpover! and they cldn't arrive at a conclusion.and then at night....they confirmed to go over! arghhsss...and now, i'm emo-ing alone at home while they're all at ss's place!!! kk..technically not all..cos pl din go as well...but yah! u get wad i mean =( i shall continue to emo!!!! ppl, come fetch me pls! lol=p

but yah....after today, i hope i can finally take a big step forward!

2009-05-21T01:03:00.002+08:00

just returned from lab not long ago....been goin lab every wkday since last thurs.hmmm.and because i was the only one ard to help him this wk, felt i really learnt more this 3 days.beginning to have doubts over my ability to step into the research field.seeing what the other ppl in the lab do their work....even though they're chatting in chinese terms abt fiber optics, which in itself is very chim cos u noe wad i mean (imagining studying physics in chinese!!!), the things they discuss abt is like out of my capacity to understand....and abt my own research.jus testing one parameter has sooo many problems.software+hardware prob.zzzz....i wana watch my angels&demons! =(

wells...but i guess being busy is gd...i have less time to emo abt things....dun wana return to my state of ultimate emo-ness like tt wk.lol.but it oso means i'm the culprit to bangseh all the planned outings etc.feel so guilty and sad...hais.....and i was just informed that results is out in two days time!!! so fast lah.i haven't even played at all.ahhhh! dun dare to think abt it.*prays hard* i haven't had my fair share of play lah.....oh.and i was intending to train a bit for my fun run on sunday..but i'm like in lab all these days.and out on the wkends.......i nid to exercise man! think i'll be walking behind everyone on sunday...lol=p and to think tt one of my dreams is to get that stan chart t-shirt!!! wells..i think it's realli nice!

hmmmm..are somethgs tt easy to forget?does telling urself nt to think abt it works? or will tt simply jus bury it behind some cobwebs only to be driven out when you spring clean the nxt time? sighs...at least for me, i carn!

i highlighted my hair!!!! think everyone's shock tt i'll ever do tt.lol.....as for the reason.........oh wells.nvm.sighs.

ciao!

post exams....

2009-05-08T00:22:00.002+08:00

the exams are over once again....and i'm halfway through completing my course!! wow..time really flew.

sighs...however, the past wk was spent mostly at my ah gong's wake....regrets regrets regrets...and many other thgs to emo abt...zzz.it's a horrible wk.but i've finally managed to go through it. ohwells....perhaps i really can go through thgs alone.......and for those who knew.thanks for ur help! it really helped me pull through those days=) and also for trying to keep me company in the day....you know who you are.thanks a lot! sighs...regrets is about one of my worst fears in life i guess.having experienced it in a span of 6 mths.first my uncle and now my ah gong.life is really unpredictable.....=(

had a super different experience today..reported to work wif lh.and realised tt we're supposed to raise funds for non-profit organisation today which the company called 'sales'...zz.like how can this be sales? i mean when i say i'm a volunteer and ask for donations, i don't expect to be paid for it.and i simply carn imagine myself doing this for pay..so i just quit after helping them today..not gona take their $ too.somehow it's agst my conscience.had a long talk with lh on the bus all the way home...we both realised how different our world is from theirs.besides the fact tt they smoke etc.and though they are super nice ppl.....but their meaning and expectation from a job is so different from mine.even though this is a temp job, i still can't accept it somehow...=X anw..it's my first time doing house-house fund raising...had a wonderful experience (after i decided that i wasn't goin to take the pay and is simply helping out)...there really are kind souls out there unlike wat i envisioned but the world oso has it's fair share of the rich and selfish.sighs...wells.and i am not that 伟大 as to do this kind of job everyday without pay.think i'll help them out once in a while when i receive their emails......

this means i need to get another job....lol. and i wonder when boss will ask us to go down for lab again lah..kinda miss lab too.

oooh.and i found one of my fav jap drama...super old one.think i watched like in sec sch or sumthg.cos the songs are super nice.....if anyone have the soundtrack can send me??? =) it's the drama "kamisama mou sukoshi dake" thanks!!!

white horse-taylor swift

2009-03-21T02:40:00.001+08:00

White Horse
Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holdin' on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings;
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry

Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse,
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Whoa-Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.

2009-03-17T01:20:00.002+08:00

yays! finally a horrible wk has passed. had two quizzes, one assignment and one poster presentation last wk.flopped the quizzes as usual but because i could do them but still got them wrong, i felt super emo.sighs.shld have more confidence in myself at times.oh wells....nvm.it carn b helped when i feel so terribly hopeless when doing my biomechanics homeworks especially.zzz.jus like tonight.sians.

anw.i'm glad i'm kping to my resolve and haf given up on the impossible...feels gd to be able to focus on one thg only.move on!on to exams....!

went to the IT show last fri..was super squeezy but i got the things i needed nonetheless.and frm the news, the show's sales hit sky high! are we really in a recession? makes me wonder....arghhs.i nid a temp job for this coming hols.anyone wif lobang of a high paying job pls let me noe ya?? thks!

morning lect tml...zzz

2009-03-08T02:13:00.000+08:00

sighs....it's getting harder and harder. i'm so lost.did i pick the right course?.....

2009-02-25T00:41:00.001+08:00

Back to my shell of protection and trust....this time i shall really keep to my resolve.
a promise to myself.

I've decided...

2009-02-22T01:08:00.002+08:00

I've finally clicked the "accept" button!!!! oh my...you won't know how long i doodled over it..sighs.but oh wells, i think deep down in my heart i'm already decided...i think i can't live with the regret...so now, unless there's really no one else going or people tt i really cannot tolerate living with for 4 mths...i shld b goin to.....DENMARK!!! =) ahhs...now i'm going to chiong for $$$$....join the qiang qian yi zu! =X sighs.i need it =(

oh wells...there're super a lot of things that i had to ponder.security issues.independent living, independent studying, zero comfort zone, socialisation, mental strength etc......it was a hard time crossing all those barriers i think but i need to accept this challenge. i need to work hard at it. i hope i dun let myself down. i noe i'm not there yet...no! i'm so far from it but i'll start working on them today! right this minute....i can do it!

sighs.the thought of goin overseas also let me ponder a lot of things...will things change when i return....there're some things which i hold dear now that i duno whether it will stay the same when i return.i carn afford to lose it.....carn bear to think of this.but i guess i carn think too much.there're things tt carn b helped...much as i have tried so much.it still ends up the same as before.wat i really felt carn b put across, carn b appreciated, carn b understood.....

2009-02-01T02:38:00.000+08:00

神木与瞳 - 草戒指

再说在额头原来泪也会痛

倒流心中怎麼麻醉也没用

深呼吸一分鐘爱突然的词穷

你狠狠甩开我沉默的手彷彿就剧终

草戒指在手中像句点的沉默

woo..明天以后爱变成了问候

爱不爱都痛我以為我懂

最后你要自由

woo..忘了温柔要套在手中

到最后该不该回头

如果我开口爱继续往前走

woo..幸福听著分开的藉口

再说在额头原来泪也会痛

倒流心中怎麼麻醉也没用

深呼吸一分鐘爱突然的词穷

你狠狠甩开我沉默的手彷彿就剧终

草戒指在手中像句点的沉默

woo..明天以后爱变成了问候

爱不爱都痛我以為我懂

最后你要自由

woo..忘了温柔要套在手中

到最后该不该回头

如果我开口爱继续往前走

woo..幸福听著分开的藉口

爱不爱都痛我以為我懂

最后你要自由

woo..忘了温柔要套在手中

到最后该不该回头

如果我开口爱继续往前走

woo..幸福听著分开的藉口

草戒指套在谁手中

new year09

2009-01-16T22:19:00.010+08:00

before i knew it....the sch term started and there's just so much to do....tutorials to be handed in by wk2! zzz.that's like super sian.there's not even time for me to adjust and get back into the routine.sighs.oh wells.

anw.the hols was great! so much so that i din wan sch to start.esp when the last day of hols was spent with mayday!woohoo! haha.and the nxt day i even went to their "qian ming wo shou hui" =p actually i carn believe i'll do such crazy things myself but oh wells, i was thinking why not when i'm still young.before i carn stand the crowd, before my legs carn take the queueing.before the impulsive nature of a youngster is gone, before the thick-headedness of teenagers is gone...lols.and i must say its an experience...goin to concert with new friends who got together just because of mayday was also an experience =)

kk.i'm getting a bit lazy.shall upload wateva pics instead.though i realised i hardly take pictures...these are the few.lol

they day we cooked at my place....

here comes the food.....it's too much to finish!!!photos taken at ICBME 08

the four of us...

us with yang yang (the photographer)

Prof CK Chong..who's leaving...
the beautiful scenery beside stadium green =) pretty!
we were this close to the stage...all thanks to bh's friend.ah shin!guai shou&masa!shitou!ah shin with a weird but cute expression...

then came ding dang...it completely ruined her nice image in our minds...my friend was so turned off...=X what happened to ling jia shao nu?? and there was no zou huo ru mo =(shitou pro-ing with the guitar...then it's guai shou's turn...

masa with base!!! sighs..guan you nt there.the happy us....the happy me.who got to listen to wen rou and zhi ming yu chun qiao! =)=)me.bh and his friends...morning walk@henderson bridgei was bored while waiting for them....enjoying this scenery.
us playing with the cam inside hort park's apartment.....we saw jeff wang there! they're filming "lu se bing tuan"..nt tt i was any excited.

scenery at ecp....on the bedok jetty.

photos..photos....=)

anyway...jus feel like zibi-ing these days...maybe i am just tired..tired that sometimes the effort and feelings we put into things don't always turn out right.and we end up getting hurt.....why must i see and hear things tt will make me unhappy?! oh wells....even after so long?

and since it's the new yr...here's my new yr resolution:
"to be a nice gal.nice daughter.nice friend" lol!

halfway through the hols

2008-12-16T22:50:00.002+08:00

it's halfway through the hols le.been goin out lately these days...been spending but nt earning.i nid to get tuition quick! sighs.any lobangs anyone??

think i shld blog abt some of the things this wk bah.well, last sat went out wif bie clique to chill supposedly at timbre.but ended up at ps cafe@dempsy.the ultimate fudge cake is the best!!! super yummy! hahhaas...after tt we went to reddot. and so i drank the supposed "wheatgrass" lol.oh wells, first time to a pub wif "live" band.but it's only 2 pple.nt as nice as a whole band bah...
sun was supposed to go kbox wif some 4a pples..but it was raining and all.so yah lor..i din go in the end.and also jus left like staying at home bah.esp when i reached home late the prev night.

mon was out wif sy.ss.pl.wt.went to watch "Bolt". Guess all that i was really watchin is tt cute hamster!!hahs...the plot was predictable as of all disney shows.well, i understd how one of my fren said he fell aslp while watchin it.lol.but while waiting for the show to start, we went arcade...super duper long since i last step foot in there...tried a bit of some of the stuff.and i realised we're so nt in touch tt we dun even noe the rates in arcade at all!zzz.alrites.i guess we're nt young anymore.sighs...the bie clique then met up for dinner@Big O. they said the reviews gave 100% for the food there.but sumhow we all find tt the main course is nt as nice as anticipated.plus the serving is very small for the price they charge..But! the dessert is nice=) must try "Dark Sight" if u ever go there! lol.

today went down to qy's house.played wif her guinea pigs for a while...they're so kawaii! although tau pok is more active.i think tau ki looks cuter! =p guess the timing wasn't right though cos she had to leave earlier.sighs.lol.though it's a short meeting.i still enjoyed it.
been mapling a lot these days tgt wif the rest.mapling is definitely more enjoyable when it's in a group.it's so different frm the last time when i had to lvl so slowly alone.haha.if nt for mapling, i'll b tryin to finish watching d.gray-man or reading my thriller.so slack! arghhs.i must look more eagerly for tuition.

ohh! and got 2 mayday's prev albums.thanks js! for the trouble to brg them back frm taiwan.hahs.k.i dun think u noe of this blog.zzz.but i was surprised tt some ppl do noe this add..shrugs.

jus finished watching this jap drama "Hikaru no Hotaru" romance comedy..jus clicked on it cos i saw a four star rating for it at mysoju...think it's quite nice.and made me reflect on certain thgs too.how nice it wld b to b accepted by ur other half for being who u r....she made me think of myself.in a way, i'm also a "himono-onna". all dried up.but well, i'm nt a main lead in some drama.i dun think i'll haf such a happy ending as hers.oh wells.

and life's as usual.jus an ordinary uni student...

after so long....

2008-12-10T23:27:00.002+08:00

okies..i shall skip the exam aftermath thoughts.....i dun feel like dwelling into them.i'm just hoping for the best.
last wk was spent working at the International Conference for BioMedical Engineers. It was a great experience. even though i was assigned to look after the poster area and thus cldn't enter the rooms to attend the breakout sessions as i intended.browsing through the posters and all gave me an eye-opener as to wat ppl are into.The things that we are exposed to in lecture is really just the tip of the iceberg.Actually, i seriously doubt that i can be a bioengineer after seeing their reports.The level of research that they are doin, i doubt tt i can ever achieve that state bah...sighs.but it was a fun and enriching 4 days.got to interact with some of the poster presenters who were kind enough to introduce their work to me.ermmm....though i onli understd half of it?? zzz...i nid to be more hardworking....oh wells.it's fun to work wif frens.eating during the teabreaks and lunch..i realli enjoyed myself! tartlets...ooooh!

this wk is jus slacking at home...trying to read my thesis but end up slping when i'm not even halfway thru the chapter.zzz.the equations are horrible!arghhh..and mostly cos i'm nt in the mood.labs aren't productive too..results negative.not enough materials to continue wif...etc etc...wonder how i'm gona produce the report by 15dec...=X

hmmm...been the reflective self i am recently.the sem has passed.i din remove the emptiness.studies dun seem to go well (shall noe the verdict soon.sighs).at least i tried to meet up and maintain contact wif my frens.tried but i wished i cld haf done more.as always...and also.nothin has changed after tt incident at the start of sem.duno y i'm feeling sad sumhow.i thought i was over it.cos i din wan thgs to change too.i guess i'm afraid ba.cos i'm unsure too?but carn u jus share ur probs too?carn u jus rely on me too? =(

...and also.thgs are finally starting afresh after 3 yrs....thanks for making thgs clear.though it's kinda of late.

i din get the mayday tics...sad=(

gtg.

will b back!

ultimate fluids...=(

2008-11-21T00:06:00.004+08:00

halfway through the papers...sighs..and none of which i did well in. Think my gpa is going to be horrible this sem..arghhs.today's paper was the worse.think i only effectively did half the paper.I just stared at the question...and didn't manage to write things down.sighs.i should have just scribbled things tt i tot might work out and throw in the assumptions..ahhh..why??? why did i just leave it blank.sighs.everyone else i know seem to have attempted..or at least written something..fluids is gone.and i seriously don't want to da bao fluids & have to go through it all=( and my electronics is cui too..din slp the night before..wonder wat's happening to me.it's so totally not me the last sem.i think i realli study by interest.and all these physics&electronics stuff..zzz.oh wells..carn bear to think of my gpa.why is it cumulative?sian.

now to mug for the 3 more papers left.....

think the emptiness plays an influential role in my studying....where's the xiumin back in rv?? can i find her back?

我心中尚未崩壞的地方
五月天

醒在陌生的地方鏡頭變成了刀槍耳語也變成了真相
吉他告別了肩膀詩人棄守了邊疆我們活在巨大片廠

幸運的孩子爬上了殿堂成果代價都要品嘗
單純的孩子是否變了樣跟著遊戲規則學著成長

轟轟烈烈的排行沸沸揚揚的頒奬跟著節奏我常迷惘
當人心變成市場當市場變成戰場戰場埋葬多少理想

回想著理想微薄的希望走著鋼索我的剛強
偉大和偽裝灰塵或輝煌那是一線之隔或是一線曙光

每個孤單天亮我都一個人唱默默的讓著旋律和我心交響
就算會有一天沒人與我合唱至少在我的心中還有個尚未崩壞的地方

歌手追逐銷售量記者追逐點擊量沒有誰比誰更善良
無論天后或天王無論小兵或老將曲終人散都要蒼涼

期待著彩虹所以開了窗窗外只有灼熱閃光
所謂的彩虹不過就是光只要心還透明就能折射希望

每個孤單天亮我都一個人唱默默的讓著旋律和我心交響
就算會有一天沒人與我合唱至少在我的心中還有個尚未崩壞的地方

其實我們都一模一樣無名卻充滿了莫名渴望一生等一次發光
寧願重傷也不願悲傷讓傷痕變成了我的徽章刺在我心臟永遠不忘

默默讓著旋律和我心交響至少在我的心中自己為自己鼓掌
每個孤單天亮我都一個人唱默默的讓著旋律和我心交響
就算會有一天沒人與我合唱至少在我的心中還有個尚未崩壞的地方
孩子一樣不肯腐爛的土壤再唱再唱再唱再唱再唱

2008-10-24T22:40:00.003+08:00

人的脆弱总是在与病魔的奋斗中而凸显，人的坚强也总是在这时候更激励人心。
i'm overwhelmed by the fragility of life...and i'm more motivated to fulfill my dream..
may god bless him.

2 more weeks to exams.gambatte! forget abt all the unhappiness this past sem. 敞开胸怀.jus do wat u can and believe tt hard effort of your own will ultimately be rewarded.

下雨天南拳妈妈

2008-10-19T17:21:00.004+08:00

think this blog has become a collection of nice lyrics...=p sighs.

下雨天南拳妈妈
作曲：张杰作词：张杰

下雨天了怎么办我好想你
不敢打给你我找不到原因
什么失眠的声音
变得好熟悉
沉默的场景做你的代替
陪我听雨滴

期待让人越来越沉迷
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
彻别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

期待让人越来越疲惫
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
彻别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
彻别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

emoish day..

2008-10-15T00:37:00.002+08:00

jus returned home from yet another tech comm meeting..been staying late in sch since last wk jus to work on the final report.sighs.i'm jus sian wif it i guess.but at least we're like almost done...oh wells.jus felt the sudden urge to blog..i have no idea why.perhaps it's all the small small things tt haf accumulated and were all triggered today by the various thgs today tt made me feel really down.sighs.this shall be a super random post for there're loads racing through my mind now.the emptiness is back.realised i dun haf much of a life besides studying and if i still don't do well in it, the impact will be aggravated by the fact tt i don't really haf other commitments.but sumhow i noe tt i will nt do well this sem.sumhow, this is making me kinda stressed.the fact tt exams are exactly one mth away doesn't make thgs any better.as always there're many aspects abt myself tt i lack confidence in.one of cos is acad and the usual other stuff.this was generated by various thgs and pple i met today.sighs.i duno.i realise self doubt is a highly scary notion.how dangerous=( but i'm still doin it.ahh.but dun worry.i'll nv fall into depression bcos of tt.there'll not b any paragraphing or attempts to express in grammatically correct english for i haf enough of tech comm editing btw.sighs.i find myself starting to give up le.wat's the pt of me putting in the effort when i dun think it's being appreciated.i feel foolish for plunging myself in like this.i was being too naive for interpreting thgs ba.is there an explanation.will there ever b one.i duno.i jus feel sad tt i dun seem to matter.sighs.and also there're thgs in life i realised tt we will nv b able to classify as right or wrong.esp when work is mixed into frenships which is then mixed in relationships.i totally duno how i shld feel and think.complicated.i hope everythg is ending soon.it better b.i dun wan this anymore.kk.back to thgs abt me.sighs.alrite.i think "self doubt" abt sums up everythg.

midterms=cui

2008-10-05T00:33:00.003+08:00

sighs....midterms can be simply sumed up in one word and that's "terrible"
despite studying hard for them.i dun think i did well..okies.the first 2 wasn't really that bad.as in i think i can still hit the average.but today's MOM is really cmi! i think i'm super below average and that's why i'm really sad...and the finals is only 45%. this means there's hardly a chance for me to pull my grades up...and tt's what made me emo today=( i tot i could end midterms on a better term..it's like that youtube video "i screwed my gpa!"
was kinda depressed that i got the sudden urge to eat buffet! but since sy ate le so we went to eat waraku instead..i realli ate the whole set meal! and this is a rare thing for me! jus ate like nothing..but was so full that i skipped dinner when 30gals ate at manhattan. i cld onli drink soup..lol.but i again ate cartel's cake! bitter chocolate fudge cake! super nice! tt cheered me up more! and of cos..thanks wt! those words u said though little meant a lot! =)=) i'm glad i went out wif all u guys! and it's great to meet u all before we all get busier as the sem draws to an end and our deadlines start popping up&the other round of quizzes comes..sighs.hope i can still pull through this sem! i shall jiayou! jiayou jiayou jiayou....
life's still the same..as usual.empty and all.i realli duno how i shld feel&i've stopped expecting thgs..more like i dun wana expect them cos they dun happen.so i think i've calmed down over tt le ba.oh wells.kinda sad sumhow.nvm...

jay's new song!
对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
为什么人要这么的脆弱堕落
请你打开电视看看
多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我们是不是该知足
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡随著稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好

不要这麼容易就想放弃就像我说的
追不到的梦想换个梦不就得了
为自己的人生鲜艳上色先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
笑一个吧功成名就不是目的
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
童年的纸飞机现在终於飞回我手里
所谓的那快乐赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了谁在偷笑呢
我靠著稻草人吹著风唱著歌睡著了
哦哦午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
哦哦阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡随著稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧回到最初的美好
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbHFFpVfKgM

走火入魔阿信&丁当

2008-09-02T00:26:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdqoiJsmogo

走火入魔
阿信&丁当

对不起刚才我是不是听错
还是我想太多想到了昏头
天气不错开了窗吹散脸红
进一步退一步都害怕打破
更不想在原地永远做朋友
给你线索也给我勇敢借口
下定决心沉默就让沉默为我们追究
你和我这一刻不想到而交流
却突然震耳欲聋

一字一句一瞬间走了火
一天一点一转眼入了魔
忘了我从什么时候
忘了你为什么能够让我
一步一步走火入魔和我

一直在想一直揣摩
一直到你变成甜蜜的心痛
如果可以把如果变成结果
下定决心执着就让执着为我们突破
我和你的小说这时候出现烟火
让情节充满感动

一字一句一瞬间走了火
一天一点一转眼入了魔
忘了我从什么时候
忘了你为什么能够让我
一步一步走火入魔

一字一句一瞬间走了火
一天一点一转眼入了魔
如果你有相同感受感受到有一种突然的冲动
放肆一次走火入魔和我

觉得自己好傻，我想我已不再执著.....

outta that place!

2008-08-31T00:54:00.004+08:00

i'm finally outta that place! i'm relieved...but yah.she sure has to "make" my day with something new..so i got a pay cut of $60! for almost nothing la! initially when she applied she said she will pay for me since i'm her ex-student etc etc...but just because when i asked to leave and she brought up the license fee thing..and cos i really wanted to leave at that time i said i don't mind paying you back the $ as long as you let me leave quick! but it dragged for so long! she rejected all my friends whom i sort of introduced to the job.and then never inform me about her intention of really taking back the $60!! she only like told me as a sidenote when i was checking whether the figure on the cash voucher was correct! and she still asked my opinions on whether she should cancel my license! wat's this?! it's not like i can use it when i leave tt place! the license is only valid when i teach at that centre! It never was my benefit to start with and i'm already paying it le without complaining...she didn't even increase my pay when my classes got bigger like she promised...hais..i really have nothing much to say about her...having tolerated with her for soo long..nvm!

went back to listen to rvco's zhiyin IV...hais.wat can i say? kinda disappointing. the first half of the concert is really disappointing..we're all quite sad with wat we're presented with. Mayb it was becos we had too high hopes to begin with.mayb we're biased..i duno.but ya.i'm seriously v sad abt the standard of rvco now.most of us can feel for ourselves..the elements are not there! but yah...i guess we peaked when it's sharon&junyi's batch..perhaps it's already in the midst of falling down when i took over frm huimin...=( hais...saddening! but i jus miss the feeling of playing on stage together with everyone.the feeling of practising all day long..and even at home late at night!..spending all the time just trying to perfect tt particular part.and yah.the place is full of memories too! i miss the times! the co room....ava1..etc....oh wells..memories are called memories for they have ended...but in a way..they live on with us...所谓的不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有吧! haiss....zzz..i'm in such an emo state=X

okies..i have to get back to work! despite feeling no life and the emptiness...but yah..i'm lagging behind in my studies and if ureca is starting next wk i can expect more things to come! fibre optical sensing..zzz...electronics. i hope i can do well in it...it's physics!! and you know how bad i am at that subject....and lectures are getting so difficult to follow...ahhh..i shall turn into a super mugger!! =p

anws..i think i should just forget abt it ba....i duno whether i can cope well with the end result if this drags on...hais.so mayb no reply is the best solution.or mayb i dun really wan one cos i fear a e reply will b wat i dun wan & i think i can forsee...& wat if i was jus too used to it? tt would b even worse..but i doubt it's so...duno..i'm lost.hais

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUblPvTWdns

一只鲸鱼要怎么放进冰箱
打开门然后用力关冰箱
然后呢如果你还想要
放一只大象

一份希望要怎么放进心脏
如果你活得有一点悲伤
答案是用力丢掉鲸鱼用力甩悲伤

是谁说半夜不能吃便当
是谁说彩虹不能长在头上
是谁说蓝色就等于忧伤
你看看天空和海洋
顺风时就展开双翅飞翔
逆风时就当成在冲浪
没有风的时候那就让我开开天窗

一句歌词怎么让你很难忘
方文山林夕和我都在想
想破头也钻不进一个紧闭的心房

一个难题要用多少的智商
多少泪还有多少的盼望
多少人变成紧闭门窗孤独的国王

是谁说半夜不能吃便当
是谁说彩虹不能长在头上
是谁说蓝色就等于忧伤
你看看天空和海洋
顺风时就展开双翅飞翔
逆风时就当成在冲浪
没有风的时候那就让我开开天窗

tired tired tired....

2008-08-16T22:41:00.005+08:00

wk 2 of sch came to an end..jus returned home frm meet-up to buy ss,cj and hopefully bh's present...hais & fri night ended late too...reached home like 12.30am after mugging wif my cousin....& some other thgs.
i carn leave my tuition centre unless i can get her a replacement..hais.i'm really kinda stressed abt tt now.even though ureca is not confirmed and all..i nid to find a prof tt will accept me too...the thought of approaching a prof to talk abt a proj seems intimidating to me as well..i'm jus not used to talking to profs...and wat's more..to make him/her accept me into the proj=X i haf no confidence...hais...and den there's the nv ending schwork also...ahhhh.
after so much has happened...i dun even noe wat to think of it le...i seriously duno wat i shld feel.sumtimes i dun understd how/why i feel too....oh wells.突然發現，能夠不變，有時候就是一種最難得的幸福...is this really true?? i duno.i guess i dun really expect anythg le.so i dun really nid an ans.mayb i shld jus let it all go...perhaps i'm jus too used to it.perhaps it's cos i really feel it.i duno....yah.so perhaps it's better to jus forget it.at least try to.......but i was really happy before.can i bear to lose this? ...kkz...back to mugging.no time....

routine life begins..

2008-08-10T00:44:00.004+08:00

it's back to school! kinda hard to describe this contrasting feeling..i wana b back in lectures so tt i feel tt my brain exist and yet i wana lead the slacky life of the hols too...zzzz...why why why?

nothin much can be said abt this wk ba..jus the usual slpy afternns, complicated lectures and the ultra-boring ones =X oh wells... went for FIR's concert ytd..it was supposed to start at 8pm. but the stadium was still kinda empty..so we waited and waited until abt 30mins later, it finally started.but our seats are right at the edge of the stage and all i can see is the right side of jian ming lao shi and faye! Ah qin happens to stand on the other end of the stage and rarely glimpsed him..it's alright for me i guess but it must haf been sad for the grp of fans sitting nearby who were screaming away to try and draw his attention here..oops=p lol. it wasn't high like mayday! but nonetheless, i guess the music's alright and i think the indoor stadium's sound system is better than the max pavilion's...liked the new rearranged piece of liu lang zhe zi ge! soothing and nice=) but it's again mayday's magic tt got everyone high with their First Day! okies..i shall oso gif xiao jing teng some credit for he did make quite a crowd stand up and scream away with his powerful vocals! but his fashion sense seriously isn't tt appealing to me..(imagine: blue t-shirt, purple skinny jeans and shiny golden boots-those akin to pck's..omg!) dun haf photos now to upload.cos i dun haf cable to sy's cam!

i'm lazy to update wat happened in the last wk before sch started..but i met up wif qy to celeb my belated bday wif a yummy mango cake! bought dark choc back to eat too..which got me guilty and went running the moment i reached home...tues had dinner wif sy and her bf at sushi tei! nice sushi, fresh shashimi...(*drools) wed was a stayhome day..thurs went to make passport. stupid photo! =( fri.qy and i met up to visit small and haf lunch wif her at SP's food court4. but the thai food was kinda disappointing cos they changed owners.nvm we had ice kachang to make up for tt! den met up wif sy for a random baking session! ooohs..haha.brownies and cookies..but kinda guilty tt i had to leave for home and can't stay til all the cookies are out of the oven! sat was back again at sy's house..lol.it' steamboat! had fun playing wif CJ7=) aha.cute! sun met up wif 30 de gals...went waraku! for super nice jap food...oooh..i ate soo much tt i was still full even up til lunch on mon! hahaha. oh wells..i shld be doin my tutorials...ahh.but i jus carn get down to mugging...helps! and how come i'm so affected? i have no idea..and i've got this feeling it's jus me alone feeling this way..sighs this is nt gd.i shld nv haf let it be a xi guan if one day i might lose this...

bday celeb @ island creamery...the fork is my candle! yummy mudpie!

us @ island creamery...it's free ice cream day - courtesy of 987fm..(not cos it's my bday*sad)mango cake frm qiying =) thanks gal! posing wif the brownies! we're all sweaty!

steamboat photos - see frm sy's blog ba..haha. (i'm lazy)

Waraku! oh gosh! i finished the whole thg!

God bless her..

2008-07-18T23:45:00.002+08:00

Thanks...everything has finally settled down..hopefully by next fri, it would jus have been a passing nightmare..yupp.but still wed was one of the longest days in my life.duno how i survived the day too..oh wells.and so sry to wt,pl and ss's bash, omaha's gathering at laoda's place and bie's outing for kbox.hais.i'm sry guys.i din mean to pangseh! wonder why i'm writing this when most of u don't even noe the existence of this blog.lol.okok...anw.wana say thanks too for ur company on tt day.even though it was jus a short trip to sch.still it meant a lot and helped me pull thru the day...kinda feel bad for bothering ya too.sry..and i was kinda disappointed when i din see ya at the end of class=X nvm, i nv wana experience such a day again...hopefully.well, health's still the most impt thg in this world. 留着青山在，哪怕没柴烧! ahh..i need to remind myself of my chinese.lol

now i've got to mug for the exam on the 23rd and get an 'S'! before i can relax and enjoy the rest of the hols..arghh..it's so fast til term starts.there's still many thgs i wana do b4 tt.cycling, swimming, kbox, movies, our slpover, steamboat!!!! but the clock has started to tick! siannnn....

i will start to dread tuition again..for it would be under a stressful condition to face them and maintain patience all the time.and the way i was treated recently by her..hais.makes me wana switch to private! gip oso doesn't seem a viable option now.i really wana experience campus life overseas.having only been overseas once in my entire life...sad rite? and it wld be my only chance to study overseas i guess....but thgs aren't lookin gd. why is it soo hard=(

alrites...guess i nid to go study a bit and not end up watching shows or chatting.self restraint..grrr...

some reflections before the big2!

2008-07-07T20:53:00.002+08:00

So sry..guess i can never be active online.it's jus not me ba..not wif my zi4bi4 character...ahh.hais.oh wells..at least i've worked hard and kept this blog for a year le..hooray!

jus back frm camp..a yr passed soo quickly..it's hard to imagine.time flew past just like this..the camp is over and if ya asked me wat i gained frm it? i seriously dun really noe..haha.i guess i had fun wif jessie,mx,sk and got to know wc and mt..other than tt.i haven't really known any new ppl even though we tried to mix wif the omaha freshies..oh wells.i jus get the feelin they jus wana bond wif themselves somehow.hmmm..nvm.as long as they haf fun! guess this shall add to the uni life experience..which i dun wan to b onli mugging..=X

reaching the big2...i'm so old le.hard to imagine.if the current lifespan is 100, i'll alr be one fifth down the road...i'm glad i'm still alive tt's for sure.but yet, as humans, i realised i still have many desires, dreams for the years to come and it's fair share of regrets for the past 20 yrs as well.i haven't become the person i wana be and yet i'm suddenly 20.the thought seems kinda scary...it seems like a recognition of failure, of achieving nothing even after so long. hais..

changing for the better me after 20! i shall work hard at it...but somethings jus are not within ur control.perhaps...it's meant to be like tt.someone like me doesn't deserve it...

a super laggy day

2008-05-15T00:44:00.004+08:00

woke up wif a downpour today..and plans for going cycling at ecp were thrown down the drain=( hais.but but but....i carn believe wat we did.we sat on the mrt aimlessly..all the way til simei before we raced across the platform and took the train back to where? harbourfront! oh my! it's the feeling of going overseas and i'm suddenly back at my backyard! lol.and wat really surprised me is the fact that u can get fined $2 if ya stayed 2 hrs or more on the trains.oh well, i figure sg is not too big for a travelling time of 2 hrs in the train system..but goodness! it jus showed tt we stood around and chatted for tt amt of time! hahahaha....we really had all the time in the world..lol.on the other hand, mayb i shld b grateful cos i'm alr sunburnt from swimming ytd..oh wells.

so we ended up at vivo..slacked and drank coffee beans..and slacked summore until the time when we could enter for lunch using our voucher...and after eating it's more nua-ing! wahhh...i think i can crown us the nua-queens or sumthg..

ok.tt aside...

i think i noe where the problem lies but somehow i haven't been able to correct it. thanks for pointing it out to be so honestly..but ya..i hate myself.

so long since i last chatted wif ya...memories came flooding back.
why am i such a failure? =(

updates...

2008-05-12T23:54:00.004+08:00

2nd week after the exams...let's see what i did...hmmmm..

12 may
went with sis and rod to iir today but sadly they already have enough people le..hais.looks like the probability of me working this hols is very low but then again i haven't really started looking..maybe i should look at adverts in the newspaper soon and read my jobstreet emails.oh wells, so we left the place and went to HP where we waited for rod to settle his work stuff before heading to vivo for lunch at this kim gary restaurant..had a really bloated stomach after that.the portion for my mushroom rice is super huge..can't finish.but it's quite nice la! hehs.and it's his treat mah=P then we shopped around before i decided to head home first..lol.and now i'm typing on my laptop that lies on a clean and neat table..whooosh! cleaned up the whole room the whole night! yipppeeee=)

11 may
it's mama's day today but my mum and dad went off to some temple with my aunts etc and there goes the idea of bringing her out for dinner..ended up watching "iryu team medical dragon" after tuition while waiting for them to come back...ahhh..the show's super nice la..it's really touching.many topics were discussed too...which gave me lots of inspiration and thoughts.teamwork vs intelligence&skills.ideals vs reality.monetary vs spiritual gains...also i like the way each character is crafted. As in jap shows, they're always able to touch on the tiny, minute aspects of feelings in adequate amts unlike the obsessive way to express all the lovey dovey feelings in korean shows. 洒狗血 as they say in chinese. Everyone is not perfect and i like the jap authors are able to remain true to reality and that's why i love this series.not to mention all the interesting surgery procedures and medical diagnosis..ahh...okies.in short.i love it! halfway thru the 2nd season but somehow i think the 1st season is nicer.

10 may
tuition..really tired after tuition.din go for the kbuffet outing..felt that i should rest my throat.lo..but there aren't a lot of people who went in the end since it's so last minute.like decided only in the morning..ah.nvm.we'll meet up again soon..

9 may
qiying's bday.went klunch to celeb her bday. it's soo long since the 3 of us sang k tgt. still rmbed my first time singing k was also at this branch and with her and zp. anw, glad she liked our cake.and it tasted not bad la..haha=) but it's such a big portion for 3 people.so it ended up in her fridge in the end.haha...and i had a nice time just chatting in her room.felt like the days back in jc.yuppp..it's tt xinfu feeling like she said...but sadly she had to leave for training..and left me and zp to eat at imm and shop around...imm as usual changed a lot.everytime i go, i'm always surprised..haaa..it's been such a long time since i last went. think i was still working part-time...

8 may
accompanied mum for checkup tgt wif sis...ahhh..i'm relieved.okies...anw...after that went shopping wif her and sis...din shop much la..more liked walked around bugis and jus spent the day outside of home.so here's the first time i stepped into the shopping centre after exams..oh my.haha.i din realised i zibi-ed at home all these while...nua-ed too much alone at home le=P

7 may
met up wif zp to bake qy's cake..carn think of wat to buy for her.and so we decided to bake cake..got a recipe frm online which looks really nice..double choc cheesecake..ahhh.choc! plus cheese! hahaa..jus hoped tt it taste nice! lol.but we dun haf high hopes on ourselves la..as long as it's alright.hehs.had some problem wif the electric mixer and the mixing...but after much trouble.the cake's in the oven.went imm to dabao lunch and the final ingredients..den she left for tuition and i left to meet up wif ss.sy.wt.pl they all...yay! long time nv see them too..watched dance of the dragon...nothing much to comment on that show except tt it's draggy..not recommended for a slpy afternoon.i kept dozing off..oh wells.ha...but ya..the highlight is dinner! After being bugged the whole night abt the 神秘人物 which i finally guessed correct. i'm faced with another daunting task of 神秘地方! ahhhh...which is to be our dinner venue...hehs.but oh well.it's quite fun la...though i'm the only one that's been kept in the dark...and ahhh..how they all sadistically enjoyed watching me like this=( haha..but it's fun.and we took neoprints..woah...super super long since i last took neoprint la...haha..brought back memories! chatting chatting...=)

self doubt keeps creeping in..as much as i always try to push it off..i noe tt it'll nv leave me for gd...this carn be helped wif my lousy character.oh wells...ahh..i hate this feeling of hating yourself.wanting to do sumthg bt at a lost of where to start...hais.

updates...

2008-05-05T14:14:00.004+08:00

jus some random updates since i'm slacking at home..haha..before my blog becomes dead like it always is...

last fri went kbox wif the bie ppl..partly to meet up and send off weiteng..hais..it'll be 3 mths before we see her again..without her, it'll be really quiet...hmmm..anws, had fun singing wif them..sang some real oldies too.haha.but yep, i'm glad i have them for company for the next 3 yrs to come..looking forward to the nueve camp in june..though i'll hafta go for intersem too=( but oh wells, haha!

okies, then sat and sun resumed tuition. was really happy when they say they do miss me..hahaha..i was like "awww...really?" they're so cute la..ok.nvm. i think they will again come to hate me given the fact that i do scold them..lol.ok.but the impt thg is that i realised tt i do enjoy teaching when i'm not under stress frm my own sch work.and when they show tt they really wana listen..so it was an enjoyable 4 classes last wkend!

went to visit the pa blog after so long..i forgot all abt boss's sms cos it was during exam period..haha..they're making jacket..an idea tt i proposed tt time but end up dismissed cos it would be quite ex and response may not be good..lol..but i'm really glad.cos this shows tt the pa spirit is very much alive and we've passed it on! yay!

was reorganising my folders..and came across lots of nostalgic photo..for eg, tt old old one for co farewell with all the sec4s in it..haha..was thinking mayb i shld post it up on facebk and see how many ppl i can actually tag in it..aha..see how ba..i dun like going facebk cos my wireless is always super unstable when i go.use it practically only to chat wif frens overseas...hais..i'm really not into such techno-gadgets and online communication tools..the best to my ability is prob msn..hahaha=P lol.but i'll work hard towards changing and adapting since this has become one of the ways ppl now communicate..ok, i think it must be thoughts generated frm the bk i'm reading now.."the world is flat" and so...haha..pardon me!

okies..there're actually lots more to say..but i guess i'll stop here...aren't feeling exactly that great now to share everythg here..ciao!

oh ya..was reading ah shin's blog..always makes me think a lot and feel better! here, it is...do go visit: http://blog.sina.com.cn/musiq

exams over!

2008-05-03T02:02:00.002+08:00

Yippee! exams are over...

hmmm..tt's the initial happiness that i got when prof ritchie took away my anatomy&physiology paper which was to be the last paper of my first year in university! time really flies i guess.esp when each sem is only 13 wks long. Anyways, that happiness apparently din last long as i expected it would..surprisingly it went away in less than 24 hours. Guess our brains are never at rest. Thoughts ran through my head...loads of things.and soon, i realised it feels empty all of a sudden when i dun have to mug...ahhh..what an irony.. less than 2 days ago, i was dreading all that mugging and wana get it over and done with..but now, even though there're loads tt i wana do..it feels empty without it??!!! Yucks! I hate myself for such thoughts...i must be such a super boring mugger=( ahh..nvm.and then tt again led me to think..has all that mugging made me neglect all my friends? Haven't met up with some of them or even chatted with them for quite a bit of time..feels soo bad...sometimes, i kinda really hate myself.

it's a cycle that keeps repeating..what should i do to break this cycle??....

so much for slping 3hrs

2008-04-18T21:26:00.003+08:00

ahhh...screwed up my maths paper..hais..so much for slping only 3 hrs..i really duno why i frequently have such insomnia probs...last night truely reminded me of the one before my bio and maths A lvl paper last time...sighs..and i flopped my As..ahhh...made so many careless mistakes la..not to include those tt're meant to be hard...this makes me below average, esp with cbe ppl=( i really hope the rest of the papers i dun flop like this...i dun wanna repeat the maths module..*prays for at least B and above..if not, i'll have to see laplace,fourier and all those pdes again..=(

chiong ar for the rest of the papers...

*listening to mayday songs...i nid the energy!

2008-04-10T19:49:00.002+08:00

hais..i'm demoralised...mugging's no use=(
last wk's like this...this wk oso..and it has to happen to my favourite sub..hais.duno wat to feel...
and there's 7 days left...

a taste of more to come

2008-04-05T18:22:00.003+08:00

i have no idea why i was given the impression all the while that uni students have a lot of time to do wat they want, such as pursue their interest in other things like music, sports, languages etc. In a certain sense, it's true because there're still loads out there who are doing it, but somehow the percentage of ppl who are actually doing it in my course seems to be low.oh wells, guess our sch is muggerish...lol.

hais..mug hard as i did for the past week in preparation for this "hell" week of 4 quizes, i din do well..hais. maths was cui! hais...totally stuck and i no time to check...i HATE integration! and PDEs and Fourier and the soon-to-come-haunt-me-again Laplace...hais..why must engineers study all these?? =( they say these are just the beginning and the circuits/fluids/thermody next year will be even worse...agrhhh.nvm.but i think ppl in our course are jus very scary cos the average score of each quiz is always very high and no matter wat i do..i'm jus praying to hit the average...best to be above la..even if slight..lol.but i guess i'm getting used to it and soon, it won't matter as much le..jus do wat i can ba...i dun wana study for the sake of studying..i wanna like wat i study!

yupps...so i'm shag after this horrible week and there's still physio quiz next wk which i haven touch and which is like a crash course of the whole A levels in 6 wkes..i think i'm quite dead for it too...hais.

nothing much to say actually except that i had dinner with the bie people tt thurs night after biz finance to celeb joan and chun's bday...had steamboat in one of the jie bian tans across the street from bugis..as usual, i'm amazed by the amt of food the guys can finish! but i'm very very amazed cos they like eat even more than the guys who're in army...ermmm..ya..and it's the meat they cleared tt scares me..lol! anws.there's this ktv place right beside the steamboat store which has a flat screen tv outside showing MVs of super old/never hear before songs..yalor...and i was wondering how cum still got so many youngsters going in...ohoh.and there's this mic which is placed at the doorway there where u can jus take and sing standing at the door since they have the tv screen at the entrance ma...so it's like entertainment for us steamboat peeps..haha.oh wells, and there's actually ppl who dares to sing there...courage la!

then gd friday was spent to celeb small's bday! hmmm..it was a nice gathering..jus a small grp of pple..crapping about our life and the usual..but..we like met at 3 plus at city hall and stoned there til abt 6 at gelares then travel all the way to jurong west to eat...back to that ulu part of sg..tt part where i spent like so many days there and dun really wana return to..lol.oh well, they all live there mah i guess..and it's worth it la..the food's nice=) (though i think it's also becos we waited another 1+ hr before eating..from got kangkong til the uncle finished selling =X hha...bt i guess the gathering sort of let me regain my sanity...there's always things more impt to life than grades..lol=)

bt right nw, i guess i jus haf to return to my books...hais.

today's an emo day =(

2008-03-18T21:26:00.002+08:00

today's an emo day...duno why.maybe it's because we started talking about such stuff...been wondering whether i had made the right decision to enter this course for a long time..firstly, compared to NUS, we always seems to pale in comparison. next, the things we do are like v diversified..such that i worry without a specialisation like the rest of the engins...how are we ever going to survive? and also, the market for our industry is already sooo saturated that i really duno whether i'll eventually get a job next time..and i really need it...arghh..i am doubting my choice...hais.
perhaps it's because of the stress that's coming from the exams or i've been feeling very empty all these while...used to be active in cca and such..at least there's something meaningful besides pure studying...but now, tuition has already taken up all my wkends..and wkdays is jus travelling to sch and all..even if i want to..i dun think i can juggle..and tt's y i kinda feel useless..there're soo many others out there who can do so well and all..hais..
or perhaps, it's the release of the A levels last week...the teacher at the tuition centre was saying how her niece and nephews all have perfect scores..ppl in RJ etc.and how they're going to apply for medicine.law and such...hais..reminded me of my lousy scores and the state i'm in because of them.i'm really regretful..i shld have put in more effort i guess..i duno..or mayb i'm jus plain stupid.so ya lor.carn expect urself to mark up with the rest..i guess there's always a difference why pple are known as elites....reminds me of the full metal alchemist..hard work doesn't always pay off cos there's no equivalent trade in this world.so ya...emo day today...but wat can i do..i sometimes wonder..
1st wk of apr spells doom...4 tests in a week: material science, maths, biz finance and physics...2 in one day summore.plus formal lab and normal lab to hand in...then the wk after tt is anat and physio! i hope i can seriously survive that wk.
when the hols come, think i shld really reflect on my life...this sumwat empty life...

emo day

2008-02-15T23:36:00.002+08:00

wah..did a stupid thg..woke up and mistook the time for lessons and went to sch 2 hrs earlier!!! hais..bt nvm..hais..was just visiting facebook which i haven't visited for ages..like months? and realised tt i'm really out of touch wif a lot of pple...ai..i'm really quite a failure....

back to square one...why am i like this? i shall put in more effort!

i'm relieved...

2008-01-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

waa...it's really a small world after all..i tot i'm gona haf to meet some strangers, make friends and do presentations with them..and spent lectures alone..i don't really mind the lectures..it's just the grp presentations tt i dread...and din noe i became moody bcos of tt until a fren msged asking if i'm ok jus now..hai.k.mayb i did look a bit sad..ya..lots happened recently..lots to think abt ba..bt ya..i'm super glad to find fellow coursemates in the tut!!! and i can join their grp=) wahaha...super relieved..yay! just hope i can catch up wif them ba..lol.missed 2 lectures and all...kkz..this oso proves the fact tt i really dun notice ppl ard me other than my frens..this is bad=( no wonder ppl always say i'm blur.hai..

well, this sem is quite worrying..i haven't been catching up on the lectures, struggling with my tuts and trying hard to understd all the foreign words tt the lecturer spills out.hais..what's happening?! but nonetheless, it's only wk 3...i shall try harder..time management is the key..or my tuition kids will suffer too..hai.

had a brief chat over lunch with my friends abt religion..what makes ppl believe in its teachings and follow so devotedly? does religion really govern our values? well, i certainly believe they do have an influence..and how does it actually feel when u haf an experience with god? (whichever higher being that each religion preach..for i believe that there is one, just seen in different forms by different grps) perhaps one day when i finally follow one of their teachings then i will truely understand..

sometimes i wonder why ppl are so different. how can 2 human beings so alike as in all ways (the way our body is made with all the same muscles and various functions of the organ) differ so much on physical appearance just by DNA coding..what's more amazing is the thinking process that each individual develops..ppl with super high IQ..EQ etc..why don't ppl all have the same values? the brain is thus very interesting for the fact that it generates new ideas different from the rest.wah...think this is an after effect from too much anatomy and then religion talk..kk..shan't crap too much..bt ya..ppl are different..makes me wish that perhaps my family's situation cld haf been better? why my parents still have to work so hard at this age? hais..bt i guess i carn ask for more le..and i wouldn't wish for any other family other than this..why are we always not satisfied with wat we haf in life?? hai..kk..shan't blog anymore..later more emo....

Mayday's coming! 26 apr=( boo...i carn go..it's right smack in the middle of exams!!! =(=(=(
oh and i wana watch the lq/zr/pp concert on 31st...bt everyone like nt free..if nt, it's been soo long since they last watch a concert that they wana watch an orchestra de..not tt i mind..haha..bt i kinda wanna watch the lq one too..my instru is so uncommon to haf a concert dedicated to itself ma..lol. last time tt happened was in sec2..and it's bcos tt liuqin conductor both him and his daughter (the player) came to sg...wahh..duno la..

the new year...

2008-01-16T21:30:00.000+08:00

Been wanting to blog for ages...but never got down to it..
After the last day of work, i've been playing evryday...doing almost everythg i wanted to do..grabbing the chance to enjoy myself before this sem starts but well, guess i played too much..such that right now, i can't seem to get down to work. hais..this is not gd=(
Anyways, really enjoyed myself during hols..had a pa chalet (was super glad to meet up with everyone and jus spend time tgt..not to forget the hearts games!!!), xmas countdown with my cousins (managed to get them hooked to bridge..haha), stayover at wt's house (our flopped monopoly game..lol), met up with zp to shop (glad to have a nice chat with her), successful swim+mahjong outing at ss's house (yay! finally!), steamboat countdown with 4A!! (watched fireworks from 26th storey!*36th as pointed out by alan..sry=p), steamboat dinner at wt's house b4 sem starts....and loads more of the small meet-ups..haha! and think i played too much and without my notice, 07 has gone by and the calendar now reads 08!
2007 is filled with ups and downs...and i really mean it is like a curve with absolute maximum and minimum (tutorial tt i'm supposed to be doing..arghh!)...felt absolutely depressed for a period of time..not to say that i've recovered fully now..but ya..i've learned to live with it...learn to accept set-backs and come bouncing back! 07 also brought with it work experience..the way people in the office work..politics in the office..and work really made me appreciate the time i get to study..and i realised i really love to study even though it may be stressful and all..thus, i was really glad to be back in sch! haha...
but now that i'm in sch...all the stuff keeps piling up..thinking of taking 2 electives..meaning that's an overload..and my tuition classes have also increased..not to mention the changes in their syllabus is making me crazy..hais..and i'm quite tempted to go join ntuco as guest performer for their upcoming concert..but my skills are rusty..gona need time to lian4! and i live soo far..if really joining will have to squat in hall le..hais...so much to think of when it's onli wk2..haven't even brought in the fact that this sem's core modules are difficult..really blur in maths..and the super interesting but utterly foreign anatomy..(it's our body but now it seems that i'm not familiar with it at all!) all i hope for 08 is for it to be smooth-sailing i guess...hope it's not such a roller coaster ride like 07. and my resolutions are just the simple few...so i shan't list them down..lol
hais..qi's left...and wz's back to uk too...it seems that all of a sudden everyone's leaving..heard that noezin's going off soon.hais..the day when we send qi off.i'm at a lost for words.duno.it's just like u have a lot to say but duno where to start.and of cos, there's regrets that for the 7 yrs since we met, we're never in the same clique..even though we like got lots of opportunity to work tgt..weird..bt ya..it's our personality tt resulted in the different pple we hang out with ba..had always wanted to tok to ya more.lol.nvm...glad to know that u're safe in holland le..jiayou gal!..anw...everyone seems to have a goal in life..a direction, on their ways to pursuing their dreams..yet i'm still narrow-mindedly thinking that my life's stressful..feel like slapping myself such tt i wake up to the fact that i'm nowhere comparable to them...living alone overseas..they've more to worry abt..hais.i'm too holed up in my own world..arghhh! i shall work harder!

back to tutorials...=(
*abduction,elevation,depression,adduction!*

ps: watch this...my lecturer showed us this in biobiz lecture today! lol. it's called "PCR song" !!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5yPkxCLads

work is sian...

2007-12-16T23:33:00.000+08:00

been working a few days as promoter..well. there's a lot to learn in a sales job..how u approach the customer.how u present the product.impromptu ways to reply.how to persuade and not hard-sell.stock taking.how to make customers come back to look for u...wah..there's lots to learn..and all these are practical skills that can only be learnt on the job..however, i dun think i'll wan such a career though..but anyway, i still learnt a lot..haha.which is good..but the job is just back-breaking la..ard 4 plus and my back is aching le lo...cmi.hai..to think tml will haf to start all over again..for 5 more days..sian..
been going out these few days..met up with the 4a gals on thurs after work..ate sakae sushi..and chatted til quite late.ya..wz's back bt yq's going off soon...and zp's not here=( ya..bt still it's a nice gathering...sat went commissioning parade...think ocs is a nice experience for the guys ba...and i'm impressed by the discipline of the officers etc..lol..and i think it's like an experience that changed the lives of all these guys.
arghh..suddenly really tired..shall blog another day..haha..think i'm just blogging because i'm bored..duno what to do..ciao.nights!

busy busy...

2007-12-10T23:38:00.000+08:00

jus got back home not long ago...was out by 9 plus this morning...shag day..had training for the job from 11 to 6.25 la!!! wah...the morning one is super boring...kept yawning la..hai...bt ya...den later the clients came down in introduce their product..and it's more interesting..the way they present their products etc..think it requires a lot of marketing skills..perhaps i shld try a biz marketing module..since it's so useful..lol..bt heard it's hard to score..so ya..hai..tt reminds me..the day to register is like two days away..and i haven really plan my timetable..plus i'll b starting work tml..means tt i'll haf to ask ppl to help me register..so must plan earlier..sianz...
arghh..and tml start work liao=( i'm kinda scared too..doing promoter job..like no confidence in speaking to strangers..but i guess it applies to everyone and i jus haf to overcome it..wells.i did this 4 yrs ago..haha..so i shld b able to do it again..and train my marketing skills too..haha..=P bt think tonight must go memorise the product info le..not like last time..had to learn and sell on the spot..ya lo...arghh...hais..
shan't talk about those stuff...shld tok abt the happy and eventful wkend i had and not to mention i managed to join my sis and her bf to watch hero jus now! super NICE! so funny too..haha..bt i had popcorn and nachos for dinner..arghh.die i'm getting fatter..bt carn b help la..the thing end soo late..i barely made it in time to catch the 6.55 show la...rushed like mad..haha.yupp and last thurs went out wif sy.wt.pl.ss! haha.though our swimming cum mahjong outing failed again..we went shopping instead..haha..at amk hub...nv really like shop dere b4..so we went to explore..had sushi at ichiban for lunch! ate chawanmushi...yay!=) so happie...kk..den after walking ard duno doing wat we went to watch enchanted..lo..ya..think it's quite nice la..bt it's those type of shows tt i wun like really wanna watch..bt dun mind watching kind..haha..mayb it's nice to indulge in a bit of fantasy once in a while..and get infected with a bit of disney fetish..haha.ya lo..bt i think it's like quite fake la..so some parts is like really lame..haha..kk..think i'm too realistic le..duno..think i jus like a bit weird ba..cos most gals will like tt kinda shows..duno..haha..too realistic is not gd i guess..
fri spent the whole day slping..and i really mean whole day..woke up at 11...ate brunch and then i'm back to slping until 5pm! ate dinner..den continued watching animes etc for the night..bt it's like really long time since i slept soo much le..haha..and long time since i got the luxury to jus slack ard at home..since i'm always out everyday..lol..so fri is fruitful de! lol
then sat got 4a outing...it was initially meant to see songhao off de...bt apparently his bmt mates missed him too much..oso got outing tt day..so by the time the rest arrived..he left..lol..lucky i managed to reach abt 5 plus after tuition..so still got tok a bit..haha..yupp..we jus stoned and stared a bit at the sea while waiting for the others..then went to rent a bike..and cycled to the hawker centre to haf dinner..it's a rush for time..cos we had to return by 9.15..bt the food haven arrive..haha..bt later we chiong back in 15 mins la..woah..my first time riding so fast..it's like i'm quite scared la..bt night cycling is fun..though it's like super paiseh..cos i like really scared i'll knock into ppl..so will brake if they come too near...hai..dragged down the grp's speed..gomenasai! thanks for looking out for me too...though i still ended up wif bruises...hais..nid to recover in 1 wk's time..hopefully..bt it's fun! and it's my third time cycling..yay! sun..went out too..lol..and it's a bit embarrassing bt nice too=) haha..well..ya..thanks a lot!
kk..think i better go plan my timetable and study the product info..if not tml cui..and they got target la..quite high one too..so i must jiayou le..haha..ciao!

i finished "Hero" hahaa=)

2007-12-05T23:15:00.000+08:00

Yay! just finished watching "Hero" jus now..haha..super nice! i think jap dramas are still the best..lol=) and it's really super nice to watch the team of them work tgt..haha..kk..shan't crap too much..
went for the job interview thingy today..it's more like a briefing la..haha.yupp..think actually the job offer is like not bad la..and the hours too..hopefully the product won't be too difficult to sell ba..then with some luck i may even earn some commission..haha.kk..shall wait for the confirmation first..now think too much oso no use..bt tt means i'll have to ask my sis to take over for this sat again..hai..feels kind of bad...hais..
tt aside, tml's gona b a fun day..haha..really hope it doesn't rain..then can go swim at ss's house...and play mahjong! our outing always failed de..so tml must succeed! lol=) and it's been a long time since we last met up.haha..looking forward to it! yeah!
and i managed to go change the skin..haha..jus for fun!
kk...shall get back to my book...exciting..."By the Light of the Moon" by Dean Koontz
cya!

Post Exams!!!

2007-12-04T23:31:00.000+08:00

yay!!! the exams are over! hahaha...finally after such a long time...duno seems like i've been mugging for too long le la...since there's like quizes and all before the finals...jus tt uni's like really xiong! hais..bt yupp...now tt it's over and there's a break..gonna really play hard..haha..enjoy life b4 the cycle repeats...haha

was gona blog only after i change the blogskin..bt wells..i've been going out and even if i'm home i'm always watching "Hero" like too lazy to change it...so better blog first..wanna revive it while i'm free..if not, it shall be too stagnant..=P

jus came back today frm BIE's kbox outing..haha..actually was quite surprised that the group of us (almost all) turned up..lol=) think it's really lucky to meet this bunch of pple ba..haha..glad i went to the camp after all..hahaha...anw..had quite a fun time today...singing and screaming and all..haha.first time tt i sing so many english songs at kbox la...wahh...din noe got so many oldies la...all those tt i hear b4 and v nice bt nv knew the name de..hahaha...well...hope the 2 guys like their presents...think we like really duno wat to get for them while walking around ytd...haha..lol..and ytd was quite fun...shopping first time wif ant and wt..crapped a lot and all...then after tt went to visit xw and jason who's working at taka there..and they helped us wrap the gifts..haaha...quite funny...=) it's a nice break...haven't stepped into a shopping centre for so long la..kk..think i v no life! =( arghh..hahaha

..sat got 4A outing again! though it's postponed frm last sat..haha..bt ya..they wanna go ubin cycle..bt i no confidence in my cycling skills la..dun think i'll be going lo..anw..i haf tuition on that day la..so.hais...nvm..we'll always meet up de..oh and ya..nid to think of getting ready for the ball too..arghh..hais...dun really like to go for such formal events...cos i dun like to dress up and all..kk..think it's jus my prob...carn get over the low self esteem thingy...arggghhh..and it's coming soon.hai...bt ya...i agreed..and to think from another point of view..it'll b an experience..lol..must think like tt..hahaha=) and was super happy when i found tt linghui's going too...bt arghhh..her's is the day b4 mine!!!! hais...almost thought i found company to go with me!! then suddenly sian diao lo=( bt wells...ya...

been watching hero... the tv serial one..wanna complete then go watch the movie!!! haha..super nice..and got takuya kimura! think he super gd la..he made the character come alive..tt's why like to watch all his shows..haha..was thinking of completing his shows and full metal this hols..yay! bt ya...hero's really nice..gd plot too..must watch! think i a bit slow le lo...this series like out long ago le la..hahaha..bt it's better late than never ma..haha=)

hais..think today must try to slp a bit earlier..bt my body clock a bit cmi le..carn adjust back...cos the papers this sem all in afternn..so been mugging til 3/4am each day den waking up ard 11 the next day...now i carn seem to switch back!!! hais...bt think really nid to le...cos if i'm gona start working..den better do somethg abt it...tml must go for the interview too..yupp..haha.lucky mx intro this offer la...if not, i'll still be hunting for part time jobs..ya lo..yay..and got linghui who wants to work too=)

wells..soo much for now..will b updating..hopefully with a new change of skin..haha.gonna watch hero now!!! yay!

Hai...

2007-11-26T23:21:00.000+08:00

again!!! i duno what i was thinkin at that time...went to do stupid things..hais...marks flew away just like tt..and i think pple think the paper was easy...at least that qns was a give away...and i didn't get it rite! jus like the mistakes in chem...sian...arghh...hope the last 2 papers aren't like this!!
Jiayou to all taking exams out there!

Floppp....arghhh! hais....

2007-11-14T21:52:00.000+08:00

my first paper in uni..sighs...and i din do well..not at all..30 marks flew off just like that..well...shld b more than tt! hais...really disappointed wif myself..why! my mind was too clouded over by PC! hais...i knew something was wrong..bt just couldn't find it.arghhh....think i'm quite stupid...like always..always flop when there's some major exam...die le la!!

hai..look forward...dun look back! that's all i can say ba...

bt i have no confidence in the other papers as well...cos i'm never gd with all those calculations..arghh...hopefully i dun flop like today....=(

我知道潮落之后一定有潮起....

shag day...

2007-11-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

hais...dun mean to come here and rant everytime...but somehow, i always do...anyway, and pple ask me to update my blog..dun really bother cos dun think pple read too...it's jus a place for me to rant or input random thoughts.
anyways, i think i'm really in quite a bad situation..hais...bio is going, gone, goner! really regret not putting in more effort to recall that equation..was stunned and then panicked...by the time i got time to return back to that qns..there's no time left!!! hais..ten marks gone jus like tt...woa..wana cry le la..cos carn imagine the rest of the qns..what can happen...hais...40% for quizes..there's goes my gpa...i think this system is really stressing me out...with all the pple around u mugging hard jus for that gpa..such tt u're forced to mug with them...so it's not like we dun wan to learn the subject..bt more like learning for the endless quizes..
arghh..and my speech was quite gone too..hai..cos i think i'm really nervous when i went up there..hais..it's my problem la..i carn speak in front of the crowd unless i noe them in the first place..wat's more! it's an entertaining speech la..arghh...definitely not my cup of tea lo..haha..u guys noe me ma...tt's me...lol...but tis time..it affects ur grade...woa..even participation in class is like 20%??!! hais..i really dun think i'm gona make it at this rate..hais..die le la..pray tt i can complete the mountain of stuff on my table..i shall go list them down and clear le..finally no more tuition on wkends..
hais..i carn give up tuition either..and i'm getting a bit tired of travelling le..i duno...sometimes, i just feel tired..tired of this life with no life...but wells, haha..i guess i can still make it in time de..grades are not everything in life either...and the more stressed i am, the worse i perform..like today! my bio flopped...and my phys's ok surprisingly..haha..kk..wateva..it's time to mug!!! arghh...i hate that bell curve la!

WHATEVER!!!!

Really like this song...haha=)

哲学家
范玮琪

如果爱是道北极光
如果我可以睡在沙滩
如果我变成小孩
如果如果如果真的那么难
没有人能了解我吧我是这么想
我希望要的生活谁说了才算

我想我是一个哲学家
可以参透孤单的假象
不要人问不要人猜不要人一直管
不需要说不需要听不需要那么忙

如果我是一个哲学家
忘了一个心中的名字有多难
看一本书走一段路逛一个美术馆
听一首歌过一条河喝一碗酸梅汤

在这一秒但愿一个安静的自由过往
左想右想世界原来那么不一样

于是我看着了海浪于是我前往一个机场
于是有好几小时慢慢慢慢慢慢忘了什么办
时间它停止了吗我想想未来
我想我也就一个大约的模样

我想我是一个哲学家可以参透孤单的假象
不要人问不要人猜不要人一直管
不需要说不需要听不需要那么忙
如果我是一个哲学家忘了一个心中的名字有多难
看一本书走一段路逛一个美术馆听一首歌
过一条河喝一碗酸梅汤

我想我是一个哲学家可以参透孤单的假象
不要人问不要人猜不要人一直管
不需要说不需要听不需要那么忙
如果我是一个哲学家忘了一个心中的名字有多难
看一本书走一段路逛一个美术馆听一首歌
过一条河喝一碗酸梅汤不要人问不要人猜不要人一直管
不需要说不需要听不需要那么忙

what am i doing...?

2007-10-12T00:40:00.000+08:00

this week's jus terrible...it seemed soo super long...for duno wat reason..hai..

Wells, just came back not long ago from buffet and movie gathering of Nueve'08. It's a simple and nice gathering of the OGs..ya..and also they screened "Blades of Glory" which is really funny..haha..lol.Been watching gay movies this past week la..was watching "I now pronounce u Chuck and Larry" just the other day.I suppose watching such movies do have their own set of humour..

hais...been feeling tired and grumpy the whole week..tues was maths quiz and i flopped it..don't even have to check ans and i knew i flopped it..was one of those in which i panicked and made a mess out of everything..hais..then the realisation that many things are due next week further raised my stress level...let's see..i've to do a formal lab report.normal lab report.2 reflection papers.chem tutorial...these are all graded!!! oh my! how can i finish them all by tml..which is probably the only day i'm free this weekend..since i'm going out on sat to celeb fren's bday..and sun probably only free at night..carn go join my cousins for bowling too...=( argghh..as if this is not enough, there's always the nagging thought that i'm lagging behind all the tutorials and not following up on the lectures too..actually slept in phys today...so tired la..and the droning voice of tt new lecturer realli got to me...

more's coming up too...econs quiz..the first one in my life..(not counting the one in first 3 months)..tt's like super scary since i dun really think i've grasped the concepts well..arghh..someone help!!! think i need a crash course..the quiz is next next week..my gosh! kinda regret not SU-ing it..but nvm...jiayou ba..bio quiz...hope there's no chem and phy...oh ya and the effect comm oral presentation...i hate presenatations..hai..sian...uni's really tough...the hours just seem to fly by and i've been slping later and later than usual..as the wk goes by...hmmm..must do somethg to break the viscous cycle la..hahaha.

Many times i've been wondering about what i have been doing with my life...is this wat i wanna do in the future..i think so..bt seriously doubt that i can enter the bioengin industry in the future..sg's jus too small and not enuff infrastructure to support such research as of now..wat if i end up in the business sector? Wouldn't it have been better if i had gone into accountancy then? lol=) haha...oh wells. life cannot change and i'm quite happy with the stuff i'm learning now.jus tt it's tough..and the fact tt there's so many smart pple in the course jus adds to the stress of it all..must work hard liao...time to stop playing and slacking..lol..

and should i go? it'll b a once in a lifetime experience..bt we haven't been toking for so long and you suddenly asked abt it...i'm stunned..and there's still the canvassing in dec...bt putting that aside...the qns i must ans is "Do i wanna go"...lo...

kk..it's time to face the formal lab report and reflection papers...arghhh....

just to keep this alive!

2007-09-25T23:12:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since i updated this..haha.sorry.think my blog just about died. Hope i'm not too late to revive this..
well, just went to check my bio mcq test..think i got 5 wrong la..mistakes! things that i knew but just put wrongly..too nervous about the test? or because for once quizes are counted? i shld have gone with my instincts instead of thinking too much...bt chem is really duno la..hai..oh wells, tt's jus two of the quizes...i've to think of how to keep an egg from breaking when throwing it off the bridge of BIE building..hais.and of cos, there's effective comm which i got B...baa...think she's just soo strict..hai..i'll just be grateful if my GPA is more than 4 at the rate this is going..
I'm super far behind for econs tt i really have nothing to say..mayb i shld SU it? bt then SUing in SEM1 isn't a very gd idea i guess.it just doesn't seem safe..whatever..
went kboxing with the gals today..had a fun time screaming...mayday...linkin park..haha..and oso singing "girlfriend" was fun! haha...surprising tt they got the license for it..cos usually the english songs dun haf de ma.hai..wz going off on thurs liao...gona miss having her around..since she's always the one who brgs up the high atmosphere and all..bt it's nice to haf almost all the gals turning up...13 out of 15=) plus sh...lol.bt i guess she's gonna do really well in oxford..admire her courage! and hope the cooking bk's useful..hee=P missed the times we all studied in the same class..how fast things change...bt wells, we'll always meet up de..yeah!
though i should seriously be studying..bt i jus carn get down to it..hai...so much accumulated hw to clear as well..lol...hafta jiayou liao...and to get down to studying means to clear my mind of irrelevant stuff...*attempts to throw* =P

like i said..this entry's jus to keep things alive...haha.

Finally a week passes...

2007-08-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

The 2nd week of sch sees lots of things happening. Attending my first tutorials in uni, buying txtbks which cost a bomb and adjusting to the fact that i shall reach home after six for all days...hai. Think the distance from school is really getting to me more than i imagined! Nonetheless, i must adjust and overcome it...if not, things will only get worse. Lectures aren't that easy to understand especially maths and econs. The introductory stuff's over...and i just i must really start to mug le..i see pple mugging on the trains while i simply dozed off listening to mp3...or reading my novel...arghhh...i'm too slack but yet i'm not yet ready to start mugging...haha=P

Met ZP this wed...i have this super long break from 11.30 to 5.30 before lect starts again at 5.30 to 7.30...so we met up and slacked at JP..haha.shopped and talked...it's really nice to meet up. just that i had to return for lect..arghhh...so sry zp=(

Then last week went to watch "Secret!" haha. Initially, i went with doubts about jay's ability to direct a movie.I was expecting to see an extended version of his MTVs.haha. Anyway, i was thus pleasantly surprised to find that i'm touched by the movie.The soundtracks were good. The piano pieces helped build up the emotions behind the plot. Even though, there's still some illogical stuff behind the secret, i still generally liked the movie.. It's nice! and i almost don't mind watching it again...just that i'm really broke after spending so much on txtbks...not to mention storybks too..arghhh...and i haven't got Harry yet..ai.

These few days have been thinking a lot too...hai.i really duno wat i want.. think i'm quite a failure la..to not know what i want. hai...this isn't the first time it's happening...arghhh.it's getting more and more pressurising when you demand more..it's natural for ya to do so and i therefore don't blame ya..the problem lies with me..this shouldn't be the case...

School Starts...

2007-08-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

School started ytd..had a hard time finding my way around the school la. and we got cheated by Bill who told us that there's a lab safety briefing talk at 9.30 when there isn't..made me wake up at 7am to reach school that early la...arghh...make us really wana KILL BILL.haha=P Hence, we only bought our lab coats, goggles and collected our matric card for the whole morning..hai.such a waste of time la. and we also got stuck outside CBE when there's a door that only allows us to go out but not back in. Luckily, we managed to get someone inside to open the door for us. Heng Ar..haha. but still, it was v paiseh.

Well, NTU's really far from home la.hai. I think i must really get used to it. Another thing is to get used to the fact that almost everyone is staying in hall but you aren't and that means that you'll miss out on a lot of night activities like supper etc. lol.hai.but i guess there's no choice unless i manage to stay next sem..lol=)

Lectures now is like either boring or catch no ball..i've already returned all my A level stuff to the teachers le la..esp maths and bio...oh god, was stoning half the time or else racking my brains to start digging through the clumps of dust and cobwebs for the info. hai. Physics lect is terrible...i've never been gd at physics la.was quite lost...hai.sad.think it's time to hit the books again...

well...at least i have outing this thurs to look forward to...shld be going to siasee's house! yeah! haha.yup.after last sat's failed attempt at kite flying=( it's definitely nice to go swimming! haha. Kite flying is a real skill okie? must let go or pull back at the right time. "you shou, you fang" just like in relationships..chimm hor...must go think through...haha.elton's line from some book.ha.

kk..gtg do tutorials liao..bet i dun even noe anythg..more like read past yr's notes first la..haha

i've learnt cycling!

2007-08-01T13:52:00.000+08:00

Woohoo...went cycling revision on mon and i'm glad to say that i can finally cycle for quite a distance before having to stop..yeah! haha..must thank my Shi Fu! it took me the whole of the 2 hrs (rental time is 2 hrs) to learn la..and when i finally got the hang of it after he had to go run up and down the lane with me that i could cycle up and down without help=) then, it started to rain!!! Arghh...so we breaked for lunch but it continued to rain all day...so we decided to come back on mon! on the journey to the jetty, i had to keep stopping at bends, up slopes, down slopes etc. and esp when people some near me, i'll be nervous and start to wobble..lol.However, on the way back, i was quite stable le..yeah!!! (though i took up all the lanes available sometimes with my swaying=P so paiseh) and i finally saw a lot of east coast park that i've never seen before..hee.

It's the last week to have fun before the start of school. So i had a packed wkend as well. Sat went for dinner after tuition. Met up with the 4A people! It feels nice to just sit and chat with them though i only chat with pple sitting near me la..haha.but anyway, it's nice to meet and just enjoy each other's company. Anyway, it was ndp preview that day and we managed to see fireworks!!! It's like soo long! and it's really pretty! There're new designs too..how i wish i can always see them.lol..*dreams* hmmm..that night, we had to split 2 tables but we still went over to chat with the rest before i left with some of them as it was already 10.30. Nonetheless, it was fun! but leaving with Zhiyu and all meant i had to brace myself for some harry spoilers..lol..but they're nice la..didn't leak too much..haha=)and since i've already borrowed the bk..it doesn't matter now..=P

Sun went shopping with sis and rod before going to meet Ly and small for movie. Ended up watching Simpsons and not alone! but nvm, i can always go watch again later..but also nt a must that i watch la..haha.not very into Movies nowadays. But simpsons is really funny! and must sit through all the credits so as not to miss anythg! *hints*

Hai..just printed by timetable and now i'm wondering which laptop to get...shall go serve the net for a while and then hafta go meet SY and WT! byes!

Life without work!

2007-07-25T17:48:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 11 today...long long time since i've woke up at this time and all i've been doing this afternoon is to tidy up my study area and that's all.. Felt so free and easy la..Haha.wonder what's happening in the office though.will the temp gal be able to cope? and Ivan probably suffered from a headache yesterday now that Mark's gone too..haha. well, and they day that i left, i'm surprised to receive gifts from my colleagues! so nice of them la..and my boss too=)

Was out the moment i officially leave the company. Went to Mad Jack with Qy and then Island Creameries for mud pie. Yummy! It's sooo nice to savour the chocolatey feel again! well, and it's been a long time since i met up with her.so we chatted for v long...and then we suddenly got high and began balancing the ice cream sticks..hee. taking pictures and then taking turns to make wishes and all..hahaa..think the guy who came to clear the table must have been puzzled with our beautiful master piece...heheheee =P Then we wanted to take pictures and just started to zi-pai alongside the road...come to think of it now, it's kind of v paiseh..haha. we left the shop at around 9.30 but we stood there and talked until like 11..it's only when i was sharing with her my eerie encounters with the lift at the office and the tenth storey uncle that we got goosebumps all over that we decided to leave...running off in 2 directions la..but it was really nice to meet her.. Really missed just hanging out with her lo..

Then Sun went to eat Indian buffet with small,ly and alan. It's at this place called the RiverWalk's Tandoori. This is the 2nd time i've eaten at an indian restaurant.. yup, and i'm glad to say i can take their curry now=) hopefully, soon, i'll grow to like spicy food. but then, i still think i like stuff just the way they taste, without too much spices etc. lol. haha. After dinner, we sort of chatted somemore at some random places...one of them is the clarke quay stretch.. I've never been there before leh..(sounds embarrassing to say this=P) and i realised that there's really a lot of restaurants and bars..with weird themes too..and the night life does indeed exist, even for a Sunday. Think i'll gradually get to know more of this ba..with Ly jio-ing us to come here more often.

Yesterday and the day before i went to sing klunch! Yes, 2 days in a row...oh my god..i can't believe that i'm doing that too. well, but really enjoyed myself! haha. on mon, i went wif Pl.Ss and Wt...wt came la!!! finally, we managed to get her to come for a kbox outing leh...haha.and glad i made her sing and get high too! Yea! but most of the time seems like it's just Ss and me anyhow singing and screaming.and pl really like fish leong! haha. Tues, met up with Zp and Qy...it's another high session again! Singing Mayday's Jump! was enough to kill us...we jumped and jumped as if it's the concert la..haha..then had to sing as well, so very crazy..and we're like trying to Mambo each song..haha..it's always great to k with them! hahaa...sing until we no breath and really just feel like lying there..and they got me a shirt for bday.really surprised cos i wasn't expecting anything. know tt they very busy with rag and flag...and they treated me to that session's klunch..hai.so touched by them.though i didn't really showed it..lol.Thanks soo much!

Tml should be going East Coast to learn cycling! hope i can as least learn to balance tml..hai. must really work hard at learning this la..if not, i'll miss out on lots of things..like cannot join OAC etc..lol.nvm...see how it goes tml..Talking abt cycling, felt quite bad tt i didn't reply when my fren offered to teach me..hai.i didn't really know wat to say. lol.fact that my mum agreed is because my sis's bf is going to teach us..she won't have much to say if not for the fact that my sis came back with lots of bruises once when she went to learn and she sort of forbid us..yup. so thanks for the offer! and many other things that you've been doin la. I'm aware of them...and so..really thanks that you still respect my stand! Yup=)

What's wrong with me!

2007-07-16T13:54:00.000+08:00

Hai..been missing all the OG outings last week. There's one on wed which i was able to attend (though i missed the dinner) as i took leave. Went for medical checkup together with the OG gals. Finally, i'm talking to them la..the whole camp i wasn't really behaving like myself..hai.but made them wait for me for the blood test.felt so bad..haha.but they're really nice! and the taxi trip down to Ang Mo Kio was fun. cos we had to fake such that we only have 4 pple in the cab and not 5..haha=) Met up with some guys and Xiao Qian for Harry Potter! The show wasn't really fantastic. Think we're getting used to it le.no surprises! but i almost cried when Sirius died.hai.I'm really sad la..why?! Think when i see Dumbledore die on screen...i'll probably wanna cry again.hai. Why must she kill off all these people? Hmm.but i still think Snape's a gd guy! Then we're supposed to go Lao Da's house for pot luck de but his house near Seng Kang and tml i got work plus..it's my chinese bday that day, so i had to miss it. Saw the pictures on Jason's site...wished i could have joined...but then again, i feel quite out of place in the OG..guess the feeling is different. like sometimes you're in, sometimes you're out. Dunno la..if only things had been better during camp...duno what's wrong with me lo..guess i really cannot start to get high and enthu unless with pple i know ba.and it feels terrible to be seen as someone whom you are not. hai. guess i'm just like tt and there's nothing i can do abt what's already happened.In the end, there's a pubbing session on Friday night and i missed that cos i had dinner with PL, SS plus SY and WT!!!! haha.so surprised!! i tot only got PL and SS. cos we always meet together for dinner de..then WT and SY came up! haha...thanks guys! It made me really happy! We went PS to eat Manhantten...took a pic of my food using my phone's cam...(no digital cam yet...still saving up to buy!) You should look at the serving la..though it's for 2-3 people, the three of us couldn't finish despite stuffing ourselves with food la! and SS super high that day cos she just passed her final driving test! hai..now, i'm the only one who didn't go learn driving yet=(

Then received msg from Anthony about his party at aranda. I'll have to miss it again.cos it's at pasir ris and i've got tuition on wkends.Arghhh...my mum's gonna be really angry if i go la..cos it's so far and i have to work the next day.hai...then tt sun, there's S28 gathering too and ST say they will not be staying late so i can't join after work as well..hai...why is it that i just can't seem to join in anything!!! Makes me feel even worse.like i'm Anti-social..hai...

6 months of work has made me dumb!!!!

2007-07-16T13:50:00.000+08:00

CJ emailed me this!
I realised i'm really dumb! All these months of working has made me dumb...arghhh.

很准的，快测测
有一棵耶树长的非常高，
四只动物：金刚，人猿，猩猩，猴子刚好经过，
他们比赛爬上去采香蕉，你猜谁先采到？
（请回答）看你属那种性格的人
答案在下面，选完动物后再看答案。。。 scroll down to see the answer.

猩猩＝你的性格属笨
人缘＝你的性格属蠢
猴子＝你的性格属白痴
金刚＝你的性格属傻
椰子树上长香蕉的啊？coconut tree where got banana………
兄弟姐们们吖~~~看来你也是被工作折磨的快不行了.... obviously you’re tortured by ur work

2007-07-09T09:11:00.000+08:00

CAMP NUEVE 07!

Spent the last week at camp. It's really fun and memorable!

Day 1

We spent the morning settling down in our rooms. We're all going to be staying in Hall 7 which is quite near to the CBE building but the most detached hall in NTU. This is followed by ice-breaker games and teaching of cheers. After lunch, we had orientation games around NTU to familiarise ourselves to the different places like the SRC, Yunan Garden, Library, Canteens etc.

The highlight of the day however is the Initiation Night! It's supposed to be the worst of the camp and apparently, people tend to leave after that night's activities. Initiation Night turned out to be us being blindfolded and led around the school to do various activities. Unfortunately, i'm having my uncomfortable time of the month and so i had to skip some stations =( Those that i skipped involved very dirty and wet things like sliding down a slope into a puddle of muddy water while being led to think that you are sliding into the Nanyang Lake. Another involved being trapped in the toilet and getting thrown at with sauces, flour, eggs and the like such that when you come out, you're totally unrecognisable..lol=) Hai.though it's like dirty and all, i hoped that i could have joined in la..then it would have been more fun. Another station that i skipped is one that they played tug of war and we are made to fall into mud. Despite missing all these, the night is memorable for me as i got to join in the drain station. This is my first time walking in a drain at night and in pitch black darkness. The whole group of us (21) had to walk into the drain with only 2 candles provided. The candles are like super small and thus will have a time limit before it dies off. We're supposed to go single file and follow each other down the path, turning left at a fork in the middle of the journey. The ceiling of the tunnel also gets lower and lower the further we went in. At the end of the tunnel, there's a 2+ metre high wall. We must climb over this in order to exit the tunnel. This is impossible for the gals to do it alone and so the guys had to aid us up.If they had been there alone, i'm sure they would have cleared the wall easily given their army training. Anyways, i am really amazed that they can find such a tunnel and drain. Oh my! but i think it's a great station and experience that all NTU students should go through. We slept at around 3 plus that night..

Day 2

The morning is spent playing pool games and then i had to missed all the fun again=( This is really sian. However, i had fun cheering them on. The games is really exciting too. There's one in which you have to keep diving to collect cards. Thirteen each for each group and then the GL will play Daidee to decide who wins..haha. Another is also about luck in which we have to cross the pool in a float to try to unlock the locks over at the other end. The finale is one in which they throw ping pong balls in and we have to try to use the numbers on the balls to form the final figure wanted together with certain restrictions like using the same numbers or how many balls. Omaha which has lost so many of the games miraculously won 2 games. haha. This sort of cheered all of us up. After lunch, we played games against other groups. They had lots of interesting games. I really wonder how the programmers come up with all these ideas. One of them is like the table soccer. Players must tie their legs together and jump about to defend or kick the ball around. It's like kind of difficult to make sure everyone keep to the rules and all but i think it's kind of interesting. That night, we're gathered in the CBE lecture theatre for a "Lab Safety Briefing" which turned out to be the start of Fright Night!

I must really emphasise that it's really Fright Night at it's peak! The actors and actresses are amazing! They're really good. The plot is also wonderful and it gives space for thinking and is stretchable like there're loop holes etc for us to try to come up with different views. Fright Night consists of different stations. Some interactive, some not but all containing clues needed to investigate the death of AnQi. The gal who will "die" every year in the SCBE camp. Some is really spooky. The first stop for my sub-group with 3 people is like a toilet in which there's a gal with mental condition. The moment i stepped in, she dragged me over to comb her hair. i'm super shock la but i just followed her instructions. Her acting is so real. While under shock, we're supposed to ask her questions. End up, one of my friends mistook her identity and it sort of flared her up and she grabbed me and all. Her acting skills is like so good that i'm kind of afraid of her all of a sudden when she turned around to glare at me. When we exited, I realised one of my friend actually cried as she was too afraid. I guess it's shock la. I don't think it's that scary cos her station is the one in which some random ghost appeared. In between stations, there're holding areas where you can discuss what you have uncovered and try to piece the puzzle but they are usually very short, just enough to clam down and then it's on to the next. There's a stop in which we had to visit Anqi at her funeral and one of us had to go flip the white cloth covering her body and then she'll wake up suddenly and grab you. When she start screaming for us to leave, i was the first one to exit as i was nearest and then i got a shock! There's like 2 "ghosts" there to await me. "God!" Just when i thought the stations like over. Aiyo. Another station is one in which there's a dangki and we get the chance to rouse one of the spirits. We're made to kneel before the table and hold hands screaming "Anqi!" as loud as we can and they really make us scream and he will shake the bells (the one you use to rouse spirits in reality). It all seems so real. The settings that create it. The whole atmosphere and all. That's why i say it's really fascinating how well they planned. Another scene, there's a drunkard. They say he drank a can of beer everytime a group went in and that means 12 cans the whole night! They're really dead serious. So serious and so good was the fright night that they said one gal fainted at one of the stations and i saw one gal really traumatised that she's staring into space and jumps everytime someone sort of speaks too loudly and startle her. I guess you really have to experience it in order to really understand. We slept around 3 plus again.

Day 3

It's the amazing race! We left off early in morning to play. Starting with searching for marbles in the field. It's really a test on our eye sight! Haha. i managed to find 3! Yay! We came in second and sort of had a head start. Unfortunately, we got entangled too much at Chinese Garden and was the last to leave the stop. Hence, we spent the rest of the day like trying yo catch up to the rest. It's quite fun. We had stops at taka, army market, commonwealth, Je and then back to SRC where we're made to go round the tracks with our legs tied up singing songs like nursery rhymes.haha. so fun! The spare time before campfire that night was spent rehearsing our skit and also with games like " hmm-ci-ci-hmm-ci" and "Bang!" which started from out group. By the end of the camp, all the GLs were crazy with the games and the "Bang!" game even evolved overnight to have knives, grenades and atomic bombs i think.. Haha. It became altogether a camp nueve game. The campfire wasn't really good as it's only just skits after the bbq. It's not like we used to have games and then community singing and also the campfire songs and people running round the campfire. However, that night, we came up with a cheer of our own! Haha. so happy!

Day 4

Beach Games! I think i really enjoyed day 4! cos it's the only time when i can really join in without too much of considerations.haha. We had the usual volleyball, frisbee, dodgeball etc. and telematches that involved water bombs, piggy-back, swimming and all. Although Omaha still lost for most of the games, we had fun! I think this is what i really like the group for. Our group is not result oriented. We like to enjoy ourselves the most. We would rather enjoy the process than the result. Anyway, that afternoon, we had a lot of fun. Playing together as a group. Even at the finale, when we knew that we are losing. We didn't give up. We just continued chiong-ing and chiong all the way to the end.

After showering, it's SP night. The night that all the Seniors have been emphasising etc. Personally, i thought all that emphasis has sort of made it like an entertainment for the GLs but i guess all camps have that and so it's just usual. Anyway, we drove for very long until we reach Changi. The seniors had sort of rented a bungalow there for the night. We were made to wear a mask and then had to find our SPs who will be wearing the same pair of mask. It's kind of funny cos i already saw him liao so did the rest but we just refused to move over until they came. haha. but nonetheless, we met up and went to join the queue to go in. Before we are allowed to pass in, we had to complete tasks which must be done for the whole stretch of road that lead to the bunglalow and while waiting in line for our turn they will make you hold hands and everything. Hai. After finally gaining entry and sitting down, he went to get dinner and i sat waiting for the other pair to arrive. They're named "Will Turner" and "Elizabeth Swan". Haha. When they did arrive, the guy left to get food while i tried to talk to the gal but she left immediately to look for friends. So, i'm alone again. This fact that she left to look for friends kept me puzzled and true enough there's a reason for she's a GL...arghh..luckily we didn't have negative comments about the camp when she asked.haha=)

While having dinner, there's games like 7 wonders and also chances to grab some vouchers.haha. and then it's after dinner activities. Playing with sparklers..and clubbing. They started with mambo and then there's free flow of drinks..all the vodka started floating around and people started going in to dance.haha. but since we both don't drink, we pulled up a chair somewhere and we just sat down to chat. The group eventually grew bigger, consisting of Omaha and Pota pple mostly.haha.hence, SP night didn't turn out too badly.Luckily!

Day 5

Since we only slept around 5 plus yesterday, i woke up in a zombie state. haha. However, since it's the last day of camp, it's ok! There's supposed to be a cheering competition and a last finale game before we break camp. yup. The cheering competition kind of turned out to be some kbox singing la. Many of the groups have cheers that are like songs...haha. Athena won with their medley of cheers and we proceeded to the finale game at the field. As usual for finale games we always have alliances.haha. Originally, our ally is Kanza and thus we always go "O...o.." and they will go "K...k.." and together we're OK! lol=) Now in order to include Pota, we're called KPO. lol. a bit lame la.

That game's quite complicated in the sense that there's a lot of boundaries and then only gals can throw the water bombs at the bases. We also have to tie our legs to our partner and thus it's kind of difficult to run at will.haha. Luckily, i partnered with my SP and thus as least we can communicate. haha. Anyway, we won! Finally, Omaha won something significant..yEah! After some prize presentation and phototaking, we break camp to go JP for some good food! haha.Pizza Hut.Lao Ta decided to treat all of us...haha.so nice of him! I didn't get to stay with the group totally as i left with woon ling and yewee to go see Jas off. We barely made it in time la.Didn't get to chat with her properly=( and it's so sad to see her leaving alone for Australia and her crying as she said her goodbyes! I really admire her for her courage to study overseas...(not that i ever can afford it..lol). All the best, Jas!

Thus, i reached home at about 8 plus..hai.super shack la...haha.

Updates...

2007-06-29T12:15:00.000+08:00

Nowadays, I'm kind of bored during lunch hour. haha. cos dun really wanna watch movies online anymore. Think sometimes they are a waste of time. Haha. Guess i still prefer to read books and to blog while i have the time and feel like blogging.

Let's see! Firstly, there's the gala premiere. When i reached there together with wan tian and desmond, then i realised that it's a gala premiere. This means there will be lots of stars around and there's even a red carpet awaiting shuqi at the doorstep to ang mo kio hub.haha. We went to buy Mos and then went back outside to wait for shuqi. After some superstars like Zeng Yong Ling and Chen Guo Qiang arrived, I saw my colleague leave and so we decided to go in too. The cinema is located on the top most floor and it's already crowded by the time we reached. Apparently, we should not have taken such a hurried dinner as there's reception there while we wait for shuqi and the minister to kick start the opening ceremony.

The show's really funny.haha. It kept the whole cinema laughing continuously throughout la..haha.especially a gal sitting in out row. Lol. So those who would want a good show just to relax for the weekend should go watch "My wife is a gangster 3".

Next, i met up with the 30 gang and we went to eat Fish & Co. Anyway, the guy who served us at the door kept us arguing about whether his/her sex issue. my first impression of him (we later decided that it should be "he") is that he's male but the moment he came nearer, i thought he's female and later when he gave us a colourful speech (it's more like an oral examination passage in which we often over pronounce and inunciate with all the overtones and all) while sitting us a table, i thought he's female again until i noticed his adam's apple (pointed out by wt) lol.It feels great to catch up with everyone (hai.dm's not here) though i sometimes feel that the feel of the outings has sort of changed. hmmm. i think it's just me and my sensitive thoughts la. We took some pictures and then went home.

Then came sat which is the day Krystal turns 2!! Her father's gonna treat our family to dinner. Yeah! Anyway, she turned up with her hair tied up into 2 ponytails..haha and she looked soooo cute. At the age of 2, she's able to tell you the english and chinese names of most of the things she sees and she can even ans in near complete sentences. lol. She's just so smart..haha. We went to a restaurant at One North. (can't rmb the name though-short term memory and it's deteoriating...a worrying sign) I really like the ambience of the place. According to my dad, the whole stretch of restaurants at One North now occupy these bunglalows that are previously known as "White Bunglalows" and belong to the British Army during the colonial times and World War 2. I like the design of the buildings. I duno why i like these victorian style buildings or very chinese temple like buildings.haha. and since our table is in the backyard, we are simply sitting right under a star-studded sky. Wonderful! I hope i may someday own such a place. Well, we had a splendid meal starting with BeiJing Kao Ya. oh my. My second time eating it only since the time i ate in China when i'm in p5. Though the food is good, most of our attention is still on the birthday gal..haha. We went home after that and cut her cake (a Pooh bear one). and she made us play with her until about ten plus.. Tired day but warm and heartfelt.

Mostly i want to talk about the book BoonHan lent me called "Sheng Xia Guang Nian". Since he already warned me, i wasn't surprised to find some of the content disturbing. Anyway, they're still manageable. haha. You see...it's a homosexual book. However, some of the ideas in the book are really thought provoking. I really wonder how do we define the line where friendship turns into relationship? Between opposite sex individuals and between individuals of the same sex? What if one day, you really found out that someone you like someone whom you always thought to be your best friend and what if you guys are of the same sex? Would the friendship be lost then? Will you guys continue with a relationship? This is what the book discussed.

Another point. As we grow older, we learn to accept the feeling of loneliness. Everyone hates that feeling i'm sure. As we grow more independent (which is expected of an adult), we segragate ourselves from others as a being. This step pushes people out of our realm of trust and friendship sometimes degrade to mere acquantiances or worse, not even present at all. I thought we are communal creatures? I thought we always highlight the importance of teamwork. I thought we always emphasise the more important things in life is love, care and concern. Our feelings and not material gains. Then why do everyone grow up in the opposite direction? It doesn't seem to make sense. Indeed, as i grow older, i realise that we are talking less and less to our friends. When we are young, we'll exchange secrets with our friends, expecting them to keep them safe for us. now? we don't. Everyone of us, to a certain extent, has a mask that we hide under and never reveal our true selfs. Much as we want to share things with others, we don't talk about them to people anymore. i suppose we just have to accept this as a fact of life.

Been chatting via email with Chujie these days while working..really helped to occupy my otherwise boring times..lol. and we talked about issues that i forced myself to forget. Sometimes when i see him, i would regret not accepting his offer to start that time. I didn't have the courage. I thought i didn't know him well enough. I thought his confession also a bit...disappointing..haha. but at that time i forgot to think about how difficult it must have been. hai. There's so many things la..and it's been 2 plus years now anyway..so what's there left to think about right? and yet...i will sometimes think of it. esp after this year's stupid forwarded msg and stuff. and times when we meet up for gatherings. i duno. i think since i'm not sure of what i am feeling. It's better to leave it as it is..yup. Let things be ba. yet i will sometimes wished that we could have tried. Whatever...it's so long ago liao.

Next week's camp liao. a bit apprehensive after hearing things about the camps. Hope it won't be that bad la. I wanted to go as i know no one in my course and i don't want to feel out of place when school starts. lol=) Pray and hope for the best.

Hmmm... i should try the Secret..haahha...focus on the gd things.feel good and that thing will come. Let's try and see...lol

Cya...next next week liao.since i only update using the office comp. i can never use my home com for long nowadays. an hour or 2 is already a blessing..haha.

"HONK!"

2007-06-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

I was walking along the path to work and about to cross the road. It's a rather complicated road crossing so i shan't explain. Anyway, i thought i saw that the cars are all turning into the carpark area so i crossed the road and suddenly before i knew it, there's a loud "Honk!" and a car pulled up right next to me. My goodness! My mind took a moment to register my situation before i quickly scrambled out of the way. However, the weird thing is that the thought of death really didn't cross my mind. Does this mean that i really don't mind dying at that moment? As i stepped into the building i then realised how close i was to arriving at death's door. Then thoughts of being responsible for my own life for the sake of my parents, sister, friends and relatives came into the picture.

This incident or, should i say, near accident really made me think a lot. In the past, I'm quite afraid of the notion of death. For example, that time when I went Time Square in Malaysia, I rode those dangerous amusement park rides. I would think of what it is like if the machine had a technical problem suddenly and I fell just like that and died. I would have felt that is was not worth it. But then today, it suddenly seemed that I don't really mind. And the only reason that I will feel regret is that my mum and dad will probably be devastated. Ya..so living seems to be living for them..as for myself. I think I’m fortunate enough to have 18 years, not to mention turning 19 in a few weeks time. So I don't really mind dying if not for my parents. (my life is given by them anyway.) Of course, there are things you would want to pursue and experience in life if you are living, but that moment this morning made me realise that all these might mean nothing when u die too. Hence, we should live in the present more than live for the future which almost everyone is doing. And which is what I have always been doing for the past 18 years of life since the time when i know what's the meaning of the words "plan" and "future".

Of course, I'm really grateful that i can continue living and so i thank god that I didn’t die today. I want to thank him/her that I have a chance to continue living. I don't really have a religion yet as i haven't really gone through them and what they inculcate. However, I believe that there's a supernatural being who will render help when he/she thinks need be. So once again, THANK YOU that i'm allowed to continue living =) I will seriously count my blessings everyday before going to sleep and be grateful that i'm alive each day if not for the sake of myself, for the sake of my parents.

Sometimes, I think even such things as accidents they occur for a reason, perhaps to stimulate my thinking in a particular direction. I believe that it’s sometimes fated. Like for example, some people need to pass a certain test in their life. Like losing their job etc in order to continue living. Like whether u pass or fail will guarantee whether u live. Maybe such a system does exist so that even in nature there's like an invisible hand like the price mechanism to keep things going. Perhaps...but i guess i'll never really know. Yet, i choose to believe. haha=)

Think all of us are too busy with the nitty gritty things that we do in life and maybe god realised that i'm too occupied with these insignificant things that he/she put in this incident to make me draw some conclusions and remind myself of the important things in life. Maybe the disappointing "A" level results really does affect me too much though i don't really realise it and the massive saving campaign of working all 7 days. Hence, i once again choose to believe that a system exists. yup=)

just my thoughts...i'm glad to be living..LIVING FOR NOW!

STJ with PA!

2007-06-18T10:35:00.000+08:00

Last sat, went for STJ with PA juniors...lol. It's a crowd of about 25 people..haha though it kind of burned a hole in my pocket. hee.but nvm. I guess enjoying it matters more.

Well, three generations of PA people gathered at marina for steamboat at our usual area. It sort of reminded me of our JTS as we were sitting about 2 tables away from when we sat the last time. It's really nice to get together although the guys will always be talking about NS in their own lingo that i don't understand. Luckily, there's PL to accompany me and we continued with our own chat...haha.

Anyways, about half way through dinner, Elton started to recount certain events about our own committee and i'm sort of struck by how poor my memory is...haha. well, and everyone sort of reminicsed about the times we spent together. It has always bugged me that i don't really know the people in exco that well..as in i know them well enough about their work styles, habits, interests, behaviour etc. but then i don't really know each of them as a friend.It's like you see something on the surface and it's a little translucent and you sometimes see a bit more than the surface but you can never get to the interior. Anyway, it has always been sort of a regret for me but the guys are really too close together liao. Even then, i just enjoy the feeling when we are together. It just feels nice.Guess that's what kept me going to PA all these times.haha..regardless of the many topics that i sometimes don't know, i like to hear them talk about it too...haha.I really miss the days in the hall control =(

Anyway, i got an extension for the contract and so i'll be working for another month or so..and i got approval for leave to go SCBE camp! Yeah! Hai..though it's gonna cost me $50..but i hope i can be together with xiao sin! haha...yup..so excited and tues i'm gonna go ang mo kio hub watch movie premier..they say will have shuqi going in person..(*kinda doubt it though)..and thurs will meet up with 30 gang again le!!!

Unlucky Week!!

2007-06-15T14:01:00.000+08:00

Things just turn out to be so unlucky this week..=(

This tue is PA Camp and i went back to see them as well as pass my CO costume back to meichen. Hence, after work, i took bus 74 down to NJ. I reached after about fifteen mins. Praying that the side gate remains open, I quickly crossed the overhead bridge..haha and there! The side gate is indeed open. I went in and that's when i was stopped by the guard who asked my purpose for going into NJ. I told him i just graduated and just came to visit and see juniors. He refused to let me gain entry and said i had no business to be here since i'd already graduated. "Please try the main gate...and i think you need to sign a form..." I was really irritated. I've never been stopped by a school guard before just because i'm an ex-student here to visit. Oh Man! Plus, the main gate is soooo far... i'm super tired after work and i will be gone in about an hour to go shop for farewell gifts for my colleagues. I'm not saying i'll be staying overnight with the juniors or something. Even then, our seniors seem to have to problem coming in last time and stayed over without much disturbances. This new guard...hai..okie..so i decided arguing with him is not working. I walked back to the bus stop and called some of the pa people. What's worse is that i can actually see them playing the caterpillar game in the field and yet i can't reach them via phone or simply screaming...Resigned to the fate of having to walk to the main gate, i started on my way before meichen called back and together with mingxuan, they came to fetch me.

When you reached the guard this time, he looked at us and again demanded that i cannot enter. MingXuan sort of argued with him too..and asked him to refer to Mr Maslan if any problems arises...after like another five to ten minutes, he relented and simply let me in...By then, I'm like quite sian diao...oh wells. Anyway, it was nice to go back to hall control and see them doing what we do at control during camps...although the control is less messy.Haha.but they were playing xbox and the like...oh my!...haha. traditions do pass down i guess=) *grins

Anyway, the next thing that happened is probably even more riduculous..haha..LEVI's was having a jeans sale of up to 60%..so i went in to rumage about..looking for my jeans. Hoping that they have the design still..and i can get another pair..well, so i started to flip through..as i drew my hand away to look at another pair of jeans, i brushed my hand against a stapler which is at the label of the jeans, where the tag of LEVIS usually is..."pain!" I looked at my last finger and saw that the skin had been cut right across..oh wells, i thought, just the skin..and then siasee and i saw the blood starting to ooze out quickly...and we went looking for the toilet..hai..so suay...now i have to type with my hand in a plaster =(

The most recent one would have to be last night. I was online chatting with sinyee as we accept the matriculation number..and then i was typing and happily chatting away...wells, then it happened. My words appeared jumbled up in the textbox...arghhh...no matter how i pressed "A", "S", "Z"...they don't register on the screen...oh my, luckily i have finished typing the whole application form and just left with the submit buttons to click...heng ar...but still... i cannot use the keyboard...cannot press "z" in maple is a great handicap...there goes mapling this wkend..was looking forward to it as i haven't gone online since last sat..cos my sis had been using all wk le...arghhh...now i have to go down to sim lim and get a nice keyboard liao =(

Why is everything happening this wk...lol..and kayhow says he's never been stopped by the guard before and he thinks i'm bullied by the guard...arghhh...why me?? =( hais....

leaving it to fate!

2007-06-08T11:33:00.000+08:00

Hai...ytd was the final day for submission of the online appeal..and i realise my colleagues got send in supporting docs..so i went to call and the admin there told me that the docs must reach by ytd.ai..so i decided that i can't get them ready and take leave from work to go down=(

Hence, i'm a bit worried that i won't stand a chance to get in anymore, since they did so much and i did relatively nothing..hai.but NTU oso ok la..i'm quite happy with it..jus the travelling time is about 1hr30mins...so long...duno whether i should stay hostel lei...must go discuss with sinyee.haha..

i shall leave to fate where i go then...maybe it was all meant to turn out this way? Maybe me not doing well and all...maybe it's to let me choose this path? Hence, perhaps i should just let nature take its course and not do too much or worry too much le..If i can get in, i will, if not, fate doesn't allow it...lol.

Although i think such thoughts are for people who really don't dare to try..but i think sometimes i push too hard and i get disappointed because of them...i'm just tired i guess...

so, i shall leave it to fate this time...since i think both courses have their pros and cons...just that NTU's like really far. The prospects of travelling is really making me feel tired already =(

Random post

2007-06-06T16:43:00.000+08:00

I'm free now when i'm supposed to be working..well.cos my boss not free.lol=)
Well..guess i'm just quite worried about my appeal. I don't think i'll be able to go NUS. Hai.but i really wana go there. Cos it's so much nearer and my sis is around. and qy.zp.wt's all there...like everyone's there.hai...I should have done better la..Why did everything become like this? but well..i can only accept it..My 'A' Level cert is so ugly compared to my 'O' Level cert la..hai.

Anyway, even though it's a short one hour, i met up with qy to pass her the authorisation letter to help me collect the cert since i won't be able to go anyway..the timings are too inconvenient le..all working de. Lol. met at coro and bought some sushi...then she had craving for mudpie at island creameries..haha..so we walked over to eat..

First time i tried their mud pie..Really Yummy! cos of the oreo crushes and the chocolate ice cream..oooh..haha. but i had to eat really fast and couldn't take my time to savour it.Lol..we agreed to go again after my work next time..haha. Then she accompanied me back to mediacorp and we took pictures of the birthday cake and the balloon at the reception there. Haha. Quite funny la...but it's soo nice to be chatting with her after so long..and to simply just do things we like.and eat and chat..haha.like how it is in NJ. hai.I missed school but somehow i'm apprehensive about going NTU..like it's really far..and i don't know anyone taking bioengin de =(

Oops..just got scolded for photocopying something wrongly..well, i did that ytd and i didn't slp well that previous night..guess it does matter.and also she also got mistake la..so she didn't really scold me..Phew! Luckily!

Arggh... guess i can only pray for some miracle that i can go NUS ba. I seriously hope and pray hard!

May Day Concert!

2007-06-05T12:49:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! Mayday's Concert's here. After so many months of waiting...of listening to their songs..haha..they're finally here. Besides the fact that i'm a MayDay fan, it's also the first time i'm going to a concert, one that is a full-blown one. HAHA! I'm so excited that day. Didn't even mind when the students will wreaking havoc in tuition class which means i had to shout most of the time...but the thought of meeting boon han and zi ping later for the concert is enough to appease my anger=) Lol...we are supposed to meet at 5.30pm but i waited abt 30mins for that bus and hence i only reached at 6.hai...and when we finally reach the max pavillion, it's already about 7.15pm...We wanted to buy tee shirts. but apparently, most pple already ordered theirs online..and the only ones left are the red not-so-nice ones..arghhh..felt so irritated...i should have gone browsing through their web...felt like hitting myself..so disappointed...so sad..but nvm, we each bought one light stick with the MayDay concert print on it!!! Haha...yeah! at least i have a souvenir...lol.However, when we entered, Zp realised her light stick is spoilt and there's no more left.all sold out.so cannot exchange...hai.No choice, so we continued to wait for Mayday's appearance as we sat down.

Even though we paid the most expensive price, we are still really far back.Hai...arghhh..They're too far away=( Anyway, enjoyed watching their MTVs of their previous concerts..see their fans crying in the one just before they took a rest..As the minutes dragged by, i began to grow impatient...eh.and well..there's a group of pple trying to zi4 high in front of us and we were quite put off by them.haha..eh..that's not impt..so i shall skip to the part when it all begins...

The lights suddenly dimmed and then screams aroused from the crowds all around us. Everyone left their seats and craned their necks to catch their first appearance. Then Monster and Stone appeared from two rising platforms to the left and right strumming their guitars to the tune of Wu3 Zhuang1...haha...so cool! and then Ah Shin, Guan You and Ma Sha appeared on the central stage. Ah Shin was wearing the white concert tee that's on sale for $60. I didn't catch how they appeared though as i was too preoccupied by Monster's appearance and him strumming the guitar...Aww...so Shuai!

Haha..well. They played a medley of fast songs like wei ai er sheng, ren sheng hai hai, zhong jie gu dan, kia qia and a super nice version of wan an di qiu ren that made boon han and me so amazed...haha! After that is some slow songs like Tian Shi..luckily they did that cos i was out of breath after jumping too much...lol=) Well, so Ah Shin alone stood on the stage. Shortly after, Monster and Stone appeared on the left stage with their guitars in hand and were sitting down. Ah Shin walked over to join them and they started playing Yong Bao..oh my! One of my favourite pieces..it's so nice to hear it live. As the last notes rang out..."MASA!" a group of his fans sitting quite near us screamed!

We looked to our right and Masa was sitting in front of a white grand piano and he started to sing an English song. The title of the song? I duno..haha. and one of the highlights of the concert: Masa's rendition of Zui Zhong Yao De Xiao Shi...that really melted our hearts..he can really sing too..so talented!

The concert's really full of surprises la..cos the rest of them appeared immediately on the central stage to pick up from where Masa left off and they had all changed their clothes. haha...I think it's at this point when they begin to talk and introduce the band or maybe this happened earlier.haha. well..and they sang lian ai-ING and then suddenly left us to shout L-O-V-E all the way for about ten minutes before they reappeared. Think that's they interval ba..lol.Ah Shin then led the crowd to sing la ji che. It's so nice to just listen to the whole crowd singing together, just like how we used to do it during community singing back in RV. and Ah Shin said: Zhe Shi Shang Zui Mei De Sheng Yin Jiu Shi Ni Men le..which i totally agree. What can be nicer than this? It's really quite Gan Ren.

Okies...i shall continue... then we continued with another medley of songs like gong lang, zhi ming and chunqiao, wei han lan nong, chong shang tian etc..and another touching part came...Wen Rou!!! Ah Shin began to sing..and the crowd sang with him...Oh man. At that point in time, tears welled up in my eyes but i forced myself to continue singing. Haha..so i didn't cry! Yeah! lol...but it's really nice..If only they had sang Heng Xin De Heng Xin..i think i would have really cried liao.

Soon after 11, they disappeared from the stage ans left us to shout "Encore!". and this time when they reappeared, they were all wearing the MayDay Concert tee! haha...Guan You's in Red..so i told ZP.she should have bought red too..haha.I grabbed the opportunity to look at them for a while more and to relish in their live music for a while longer..hai..really don't wan them to fly back to Taiwan..It'll be at least 2 years before they come=( Anyway, the end will always come and after Jue Jiang, they saluted and all left...all that was left was their instruments and equipments.hai..that's it..we stayed a bit longer and then left to grab a drink too.

Mayday! I really love them. Started to listen to them in 2005...From the Shen De Hai Zi Zai Tiao Wu album. I fell in love with Ah Shin's lyrics and songs and their music..The guitar of Monster, Stone and Masa and of course the super impt Guan You and his drums..Their songs are full of hope and expressed how they feel about the world..That's what i like about them...yup! Everytime i'm down, hearing their songs will fill me with hope again and i will cheer up=) Mayday rocks! Really miss them le..though the concert only just ended three days ago...-_-

Going to sing Kbox this sun with BoonHan and ZiPing...going to have a Mayday Marathon cos we simply too high le!

Can't Wait...=)

Bioengineering!

2007-06-05T09:55:00.000+08:00

On Sunday, I went to my grandpa's birthday celebration and met my cousin who just graduated from chem. When he heard about my decision to go life sciences, he said "Really Ar?..." and he told me all about the life science sector being saturated and how the science dean will talk to us and hope to convert us to chem majors...bleah...i want to do something with bio...so i thought and pondered and finally decided to go NTU for bioengin...and so..I'm going to bioengin..It's gonna be a lot of travelling and the modules are going to be difficult.. but i will survive! I must survive and when i finish after 4 years, I'll get a professional degree and probably more job prospects than life sciences. Hai.but it's going to be a challenge that i must face! Yao4 Yong2 Gan3 Mian4 Dui4!

Hai...i think i felt more at ease after i accepted NTU-bioengin. It's like a safer choice and that i had always been enthu abt going into bioengin especially after the industry talk...Hai. However, I'm still apprehensive that i may not be able to survive all the maths and physics.oh and NTU's like really far...Maybe that's the reason why i had a nightmare yesterday..Woke up at like 4am and couldn't sleep anymore.My mind was so full of NUS-life science/NTU-bioengin. Even though thinking about it won't help since it's decided..lol.hai...did i make the right choice? I felt that i have and I seriously hope that i have.Arghh...the nightmare seems to have a foreboding effect. I choose to believe that i'm superstitious =)

Oh ya..i wanted to blog abt Mayday's concert! but was so distracted my the university acceptance thingy..lol...i will blog abt it under the next post...

now, I just wish to appeal successfully...

Convincing Myself...

2007-05-30T09:01:00.000+08:00

Ask my mom to help me post that form A.. Hai..I have to steel my heart now.I'm going to take life science. I'm going to work hard to get a double major regardless of what i do. Drop all thoughts of Bioengin...hence, this post shall consist of all my reasons for not going. Somehow, writing it now will convince myself that i've made the right choice.

1) NTU is too far. Since i'm not very good in physics, that's going to be a major factor as i won't have enough time to study well...hai
2) Engineering, though a professional degree, is not really suited for me since i've never really did well in physics all these while...hai..but somehow the career's what i kind of really wanna do...but i'm sure life science can do the same thing too...though the research will be from a different aspect i guess but i should be able to contribute more from the life science aspect.
3) Compared to studying engin, i have more confidence in science. Also, i should be able to figure out more things on my own in life science than engin. Having gone through my 2 years in physics with mostly my friends to help me...and yet i didn't do well..This really detered me from going to engin..
4) I switched from econs to physics in JC and i've always thought whether i would have done better in econs. I don't want this to happen again..
5) I can still take a minor in materials science and engin or biophysics which is also in bioengin if i really wanna study it..Besides, after the basic degree. If i do well, i can always continue studying part-time etc and do post-grad bioengin=) but i guess that's gonna be really difficult..(so...just let me dream..haha)
6) NUS...my sis's there. her bf's there. Ah Ming gor gor's there. My friends are all there.wt.qy.zp.ss.pl....
7) If i do take bioengin, it's gonna be a tough 4 years ahead. I'll be happier in NUS so long as i can convince myself and that i won't regret giving up bioengin.

If it had been NUS who have given me the degree, i would have gone. Hmmm...perhaps i should have gone appeal...which starts today. If i get it, then i'll go. If not i shall be content with life science=)

Hai...why is everything packed into this period...I can't really enjoy my week leading up to the MayDay concert this sat! I still have to prepare for lessons this wk, esp english as there's a new prc coming to class... Hai.Anyways, there's a really encouraging thing last Sunday. One of my students who has some learning disorder. He managed to pass his Science for the first time and with 60+ marks! I'm just so happy for him..haha.well..and another girl also passed her science..59.5...=) Think this is the joy of teaching for teachers and it does give us a lot of drive and motivation...

Perhaps. I would really enjoy a career in teaching..haha...who knows? I guess everything's fated. I shouldn't have been so bent on doing things that i'm not good at just to prove that i can do it. Perhaps that's what Mr Wee had been telling me that time i was thinking of whether i wanted to drop my subject. Perhaps i should have listened to him....but i don't regret taking physics as i enjoyed the whole process..Also, i've never been good in Science. I'm just glad that i can still take science in FOS NUS. and even to get accepted in Engin..that's a real surprise. but for a basic degree, the most important thing is to do well. Hence, it doesn't make sense to do something i'm not good at.

Oh wells...this entry is really long...but it kind of sorted out my thoughts...NUS.here i come!

Decisions....

2007-05-29T17:27:00.000+08:00

NTU Bioengin? NUS Life Science? Which to accept? This question has been looming in my head ever since receiving the letter from NUS. Spent a week and finally clicked on Science last friday. However, i'm still thinking about whether my decision is the right one. Hai.Why is this so hard..I guess i really lost confidence after receiving my 'A' results. The last time i changed my course to physics and i didn't do well. I don't wanna do the same thing and let history repeat itself. Though bioengineering also requires biological sciences, it has a fair amount of physics and maths to go along with it. What if i can't do well? Then i would have been better off going life science. If i do well, i can even go on to do double majors and i won't really have to worry about working in research institutes since i got a degree (sort of) in business.

NTU is also really far...and since i don't wanna stay in a hostel, that means travelling for about 3 hours per day. However, i don't wanna give up the chance to study bioengin as it's a really interesting course though difficult as it's really wat i think i wanna do as a career. As for whether i am suited for it? I don't really know. I don't think i'm one of those that can invent things though. Hence, another reason that made me click NUS. Perhaps... i really should just go NUS. Since young, i only thought of going NUS because NTU is really out of the way.

Think i'll just go appeal. If i can get in NUS bioengin, which i doubt so given my grades, i will just go life sciences. Well, afterall, i'm interested in both. I'm just afraid that i'll get bored with all the biology..or that i cannot get the concentration that i wan. hmmm..guess i'll just have to study really hard and i will be able to get it.

Or maybe i would be able to well and bioengin if i study hard too? Argghhh...this is killing more brain cells than i've ever killed for the past 6 months. It's like killing them altogether at once..That's so bad!

I'll make a decision soon.....

I'm feeling lost...=(

2007-05-22T13:53:00.000+08:00

hai..I received the NUS letter last week. After waiting for so long, i realised they didn't accept me into Engin..and so the choices are now:
1. go NUS and take life sciences but it seems that you will most probably end up in some research institutions or teach.
2. go NTU and take bioengin..that's quite gd and i like the career prospects though it's still quite new in the industry for now. However, I sort of don't have confidence in physics anymore...and i'm sure it'll require just as much complicated maths formulas and chem theories.hai...with my results so bad, i don't know whether i can survive that 4 years.
3. appeal online for NUS via common engineering route then specialise in bioengin in 2nd year. However, this is risky. What if i can't get in bioengin? or chem engin? The probability of this happening is actually very large considering the kind of students they take in. hai..and maybe i'll end up with triple E or mech and that's really going to kill me...lols.

hai.so frustrating. NTU is so far. Think it takes me like one and a half hours to get there which accumulates to three hours of travelling a day. When am i going to find time to study, do tutorials and revise? Oh...and prepare for the tuition lessons for the weekends? I still need to prepare worksheets etc. arghhh....if i stay in hostel? i don't think i can find a hostel mate...think everyone already have a partner liao...=( and actually, i don't really anticipate hostel life la..It'll be fun, but i guess i won't want to stay for the long term.

Qy just told me that it's super easy to fail in NTU, cos they don't have the bell curve in NUS. Thus, fail means fail. Aiyo...yet another concern to deter me from going. Hai...and i'm sure my relatives are going to be murmuring about me going NTU..afterall, i have always been doing well..and they would have expected me to go with my sis to NUS. so how? what should i do? or should i go do applied chem? but my confidence level for that is also very low...hmmm..maybe i should compare the confidence levels of both...hmmm

Arghhh....frustrating ar.

hai...i think i'm quite a failure...seems that i really don't have anyone to talk to who will listen to what i have to say.. i know i'm nagging. But i really need to talk about my options myself when i can't make up my mind. So, guess that's the reason i blog. Since i never tell anyone the address...lol=)

Random Thoughts

2007-05-17T13:37:00.000+08:00

Well, sort of decided to update at least once a day since i have to face the computer everyday at work. There's always lunch hour to put some things down.

Reflecting on the pass 5 months or so here, it seems that i didn't really learn much and my brain's been in hibernation all these while. What most people say about experiencing the "colourful" life in an office simply isn't applicable of temp workers like us, at least in my case. Somehow, my friends seem to be much better off. They interact well with their colleagues or give me the impression that they have assimilated into their office environment. In my scenario, life at work means listening to what your boss has assigned to you and do it accurately and efficiently. Other than that, there's not much conversation between us. Also, other colleagues also just treat you as a temp and so there's almost no attempt at making conversation. All attempts also fail to continue beyond 5-10 minutes i guess. Of course, i do make some friends and those are the ones who just joined the company not long ago and hence, there's at least the common similarity of being new.However, they do treat me well and it can also be due to my personality of not opening up to people easily. I don't really know how to strike up a conversation even with friends i know. Hai...despite me being eighteen now, that's still a problem i need to work on =(

One more day has passed and i haven't receive any letter from NUS. Instead, there's a tea party invitation from NTU which i can't go too.hai...whatever it is i hope the wait will not be too long now since about half a month's gone...

Have to get back to work.lol=)

Worried!

2007-05-16T12:05:00.000+08:00

Didn't realise that blogspot is now with google. Baa...lol.and i forgot my password.Can't retrieve my past account. Hai.guess it's still alright since i didn't really keep my blog updated anyway. Haha. Well, i shall attempt to do so this time round.

Been eagerly waiting for my NUS letter of acceptance since the start of May but to no avail. Been really apprehensive now as i really hope to enter NUS as it's nearer my house. Although NTU will be just as well, given my financial condition, i cannot afford to stay in hostel and so travelling will really take up much of my time. Hence, this feeling of apprehension has only increased with the news of more and more friends around me receiving their letter of acceptance. Perhaps i should call and enquire soon.

Since it's been so long, i don't think i'll be given my first choice course. Hopefully, it'll still be the faculty of science and i can study life sciences. Hai. and this proves another problem. Should i therefore just go study bioengineering in NTU though it's far or should i go study life sciences (if i'm accepted that is) in NUS?? I'm interested in both but just felt that an engineering degree is a safer option when it comes to career choices. However, somehow i still feel that i'm not that suited to studying physics. Arggghh. I'm so confused and frustrated by the seemingly endless waiting. Everytime i logged in to check, it's always application processing. Why?? or maybe it's because my sis and i applied for the financial aid and then failed to submit the documents as we finally decided that a bank loan is much suitable for us? Hai...Can they just give me an answer soon?

Hope these hair-tearing days will pass soon...

imprints in life

happy 21st to myself! =)

blur sotong!!!

post exams....

white horse-taylor swift

I've decided...

new year09

halfway through the hols

after so long....

ultimate fluids...=(

下雨天 南拳妈妈

emoish day..

midterms=cui

走火入魔 阿信&丁当

outta that place!

tired tired tired....

routine life begins..

God bless her..

some reflections before the big2!

a super laggy day

updates...

updates...

exams over!

so much for slping 3hrs

a taste of more to come

today's an emo day =(

emo day

i'm relieved...

the new year...

work is sian...

busy busy...

i finished "Hero" hahaa=)

Post Exams!!!

Hai...

Floppp....arghhh! hais....

shag day...

what am i doing...?

just to keep this alive!

Finally a week passes...

School Starts...

i've learnt cycling!

Life without work!

What's wrong with me!

6 months of work has made me dumb!!!!

Updates...

"HONK!"

STJ with PA!

Unlucky Week!!

leaving it to fate!

Random post

May Day Concert!

Bioengineering!

Convincing Myself...

Decisions....

I'm feeling lost...=(

Random Thoughts

Worried!

下雨天南拳妈妈

走火入魔阿信&丁当