Wednesday, June 27, 2007
"HONK!"
I was walking along the path to work and about to cross the road. It's a rather complicated road crossing so i shan't explain. Anyway, i thought i saw that the cars are all turning into the carpark area so i crossed the road and suddenly before i knew it, there's a loud "Honk!" and a car pulled up right next to me. My goodness! My mind took a moment to register my situation before i quickly scrambled out of the way. However, the weird thing is that the thought of death really didn't cross my mind. Does this mean that i really don't mind dying at that moment? As i stepped into the building i then realised how close i was to arriving at death's door. Then thoughts of being responsible for my own life for the sake of my parents, sister, friends and relatives came into the picture.
This incident or, should i say, near accident really made me think a lot. In the past, I'm quite afraid of the notion of death. For example, that time when I went Time Square in Malaysia, I rode those dangerous amusement park rides. I would think of what it is like if the machine had a technical problem suddenly and I fell just like that and died. I would have felt that is was not worth it. But then today, it suddenly seemed that I don't really mind. And the only reason that I will feel regret is that my mum and dad will probably be devastated. Ya..so living seems to be living for them..as for myself. I think I’m fortunate enough to have 18 years, not to mention turning 19 in a few weeks time. So I don't really mind dying if not for my parents. (my life is given by them anyway.) Of course, there are things you would want to pursue and experience in life if you are living, but that moment this morning made me realise that all these might mean nothing when u die too. Hence, we should live in the present more than live for the future which almost everyone is doing. And which is what I have always been doing for the past 18 years of life since the time when i know what's the meaning of the words "plan" and "future".
Of course, I'm really grateful that i can continue living and so i thank god that I didn’t die today. I want to thank him/her that I have a chance to continue living. I don't really have a religion yet as i haven't really gone through them and what they inculcate. However, I believe that there's a supernatural being who will render help when he/she thinks need be. So once again, THANK YOU that i'm allowed to continue living =) I will seriously count my blessings everyday before going to sleep and be grateful that i'm alive each day if not for the sake of myself, for the sake of my parents.
Sometimes, I think even such things as accidents they occur for a reason, perhaps to stimulate my thinking in a particular direction. I believe that it’s sometimes fated. Like for example, some people need to pass a certain test in their life. Like losing their job etc in order to continue living. Like whether u pass or fail will guarantee whether u live. Maybe such a system does exist so that even in nature there's like an invisible hand like the price mechanism to keep things going. Perhaps...but i guess i'll never really know. Yet, i choose to believe. haha=)
Think all of us are too busy with the nitty gritty things that we do in life and maybe god realised that i'm too occupied with these insignificant things that he/she put in this incident to make me draw some conclusions and remind myself of the important things in life. Maybe the disappointing "A" level results really does affect me too much though i don't really realise it and the massive saving campaign of working all 7 days. Hence, i once again choose to believe that a system exists. yup=)
just my thoughts...i'm glad to be living..LIVING FOR NOW!
Xiu Min @ 4:07 PM
